Chapter 35

Once again Jon returned to his life, and the rigours of touring began. In May the band took a week long break from the tour as Jon and his wife welcomed a beautiful baby daughter, Stephanie Rose Bongiovi. It was a life changing event for him, as is the birth of any child for a parent and he found himself wanting to be at home for the first time since meeting Alex. But the tour called and just three days later the band was playing to a sell out crowd in Japan, and Dot was at home alone.

After Japan the band had a week of touring, Jon spent it getting to know his daughter. He was captivated by the little bundle and in awe of the love he felt for this tiny new person in his life. The next two months of the tour were spent stateside so Jon was able to make it home frequently to see the new love of his life. He spent what time he could with his family, the company jet on constant standby to fly him home when he could spare the time, for he knew the European leg was coming up. Dot and little Stephanie would join the tour occasionally but tour life was hard on an adult let alone on an infant, so weeks would go by before Jon would see his family.

The tour continued, the cities blurred, one hotel room looked like another, and Europe blended into Asia. They had been there a little over a week before Jon looked out of his hotel room window and realised exactly where they were, recognising the bright lights and city skyline of Singapore. An excitement clenched him, next stop Australia. He realised then that even the birth of his daughter had not eclipsed his feelings for Alex. He had thought that with Stephanie's arrival he may finally be able to get past his feeling for this woman he had tried so hard to forget, but it was not the case, he wanted her just as bad as he ever did.

After the Singapore show wrapped they had flown through the night, and while the band stopped in Perth to prepare for the first show, Jon was on the first flight to Sydney to convince Alex to join the tour after all. On her doorstep at Midday Jon tentatively pressed the doorbell. The intercom clicked and the door swung open, he was going to see her at last.

He caught the elevator to her floor and took a deep breath as he knocked on her door. It seemed like an eternity until he heard the key in the lock, every second ticking over in his head. The door opened a crack.

"Ali honey, finally. I thought I'd never see you again." Jon moved forward a step.

"Hi Jon" came the sad reply as the door swung open further to reveal Lanie.

"Oh Fuck, not again"

"Nice to see you too" Lanie gestured for him to come inside but he didn't budge.

"Where is she?"

"Out of town"

"Where?"

"She asked me not to tell you that, just that I be here should you turn up. She's moved on Jon. She's happy and successful and doesn't need this kind of aggravation. It very nearly killed her last time."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm only here to offer her a job" Jon said defensively.

"Yeah and pigs fly. Who are you trying to kid Jon? We both know why you're here. Now listen to me, she finally has some semblance of joy in her life. Let her be. Let her forget you once and for all. She doesn't need your phone calls, she doesn't need your letters and most certainly doesn't need you turning up on her door step unannounced." She replied angrily. "Now I can only assume that you received her refusal letter" Jon nodded "Well then that should be all you need to know. Now I don't know about you but I've got better things to do with my day than standing around here arguing with you, so if you don't mind I'd like to get on with them."

"Ok fine I'll go for now, but as for giving up on her, letting her go...that will never happen. Just let her know that I was here. Can you do that? Please!" At Lanie's nod of affirmation Jon turned and left.

"Over my dead body" Lanie whispered softly as she closed the door.

***

Alex had fled Australia to join Bryan Adam's US tour just hours before Bon Jovi flew in. She was taking no chances in seeing Jon, and although she really didn't expect him on her door step, especially now after the birth of his child, she was prepared if he did. Rick thankfully, who still knew nothing of her relationship with the rock star, was in the United Kingdom doing a series of articles on the IRA, so she had arranged for Lanie to stay at the flat in case he showed up.

She had been with Bryan for several weeks now, for her the tours end was in sight, only days away and Christmas was fast approaching. Alex had never experienced a white Christmas so she had decided she would stay on in the US after the assignment was over. Rick was also flying in on the first available flight, which appeared to be early on the 25^th.

Alex had been enjoying the tour immensely. Bryan shared her love of photography, so when he was not rehearsing, several hours would be spent discussing the finer points of technique and what inspired them. She had managed to capture the essence of the musician very early on, the duration of the tour was a bonus, the chance to get creative and just have fun.

It was these later photographs that captured the attention of a very famous New Jersey native. Alex was laying on the bed in her hotel room, a book in her hands was getting very little attention as her eyes began to drift closed until the phone at her bedside rang and startled her. She moved too quickly to pick it up and dropped the receiver in the process. When she finally managed to retrieve it from the floor and place it on her ear an unfamiliar male voice could be heard.

"Miss Belle, Miss Belle, are you ok?... Miss Belle" the stranger repeated.

"Yes, sorry! I dropped the phone. This is Alex Belle" she replied.

"I usually get that reaction after I give my name, not before. That's a refreshing change" the man joked. "My name is Bruce, Bruce Springsteen....would it be egotistical of me to presume you know my work?"

"Ahhh...yes and no... Oh shit...I mean no and yes." Alex blundered her way through her response. "I mean no, definitely not egotistical...I mean you're a legend and yes I am familiar with it. Who isn't?"

"Well, thanks Alex, is it ok if I call you Alex?" He continued on, not waiting for her response. "I wish to procure your services Alex. I've seen the work you have been doing with Bryan and I was totally amazed at the way you managed to capture the essence of the man on film. I'd like you to do the same for me."

"Mr. Springsteen..." Alex started.

"Please, call me Bruce"

"Mr. ...Bruce, it would be a great honour but I'm afraid my schedule is looking rather tight for the next few months. I doubt I'd be able to squeeze in the time it would take for me to get to know you well enough to get that kind of result. I've been pretty much living in Bryans pocket for the better part of two months now."

"What are you plans for the holiday season?"

"Well, I'll be spending it here actually. My boyfriend is coming over so we can have a white Christmas together. Why?"

"If, I'm not out of line asking you to work the holiday's I'd like you to come and stay here with me and the family. We have a guest house out back and you would be more than welcome to have your friend stay with you. It would give you the opportunity to get to see the real me and it will get me the photos I require on time." Bruce offered. "Now I know that working over the holidays is a big ask but..."

"Mr. Springsteen, I'd love to. When did you want me there?"

"It's Bruce, and as soon as Bryan can spare you." She could almost hear the smile on his face.

"Well, I wrap here on Friday, would Monday morning be too soon? Oh and where is there? Where exactly do you live?"

"Monday is fine honey, and as for the where, my assistant will contact you with details in the morning."

"Can you at least give me a state so I know how far I have to go?" Alex was grinning at Bruce's guarded answer given that in a few short days she would be living with him.

"The Garden State honey"

"Huh?"

"New Jersey, we live in New Jersey. See you here Monday Alex. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to it" Alex sat stunned. She had just agreed to move into Jon's backyard. She heard the beep, beep, beep of a disconnected line and placed the receiver back on the cradle. What on earth was I thinking?

Chapter 34

 

In October of 1992 Alex was working studiously at her desk at her apartment when Rick arrived bringing the mail in with him. He dropped the pile on the corner of the desk and came around to give her a lingering kiss hello.

"Hey there gorgeous, good day?" He questioned as he pulled away and retrieved the mail, starting to sift through it. He was slowly insinuating himself into her life. Spending more and more time at her apartment and taking care of her. She wasn't sure if she liked it or found the intrusion into her own time annoying.

"Hi sweetie, what do you have there?" Alex asked looking up only briefly from the proof sheets she was engrossed in. They were of her most recent assignment...the Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

"Hmm, bills, bills and more...hang on what's this?" he said turning the envelope over in his hand. "This could be something. It's from BJM"

"Who? Should I know them?" Alex asked.

"I dare say so, it's your favourite bands management company."

Alex's heart began to pound in her chest. Even after everything with Jon she was still a diehard fan. "Bon Jovi? No they're with McGhee Entertainment."

"Oh my God...finally something I can tell you about that damned band....hell must have frozen over." Rick chuckled "No honey, they have just dumped McGhee and are self managing, I think I heard somewhere that Jon's family are involved somehow...Oh look I don't really know but I do know it's not Doc."

"Well are you going to open it?" He asked holding it before her.

"Guess so" Alex took the envelope from him with trembling hands and tore it open. The letter inside read...

 

Tuesday, 27 October 1992

Dear Miss Belle,

Bon Jovi Management wishes to extend an exclusive invitation to you. Given your previous ties to the band and your current success in the world of Entertainment Photography, we ask that you would consider joining the Australian Leg of the Keep the Faith Tour in November of 1993 with the view to being staff photographer for duration of the World tour extending through December and finishing in New Jersey for the annual Christmas Concert.

In the event you should accept this invitation, please be assured that generous remuneration will be made, as well as First Class accommodation and transportation. Further terms will be negotiated with you at your convenience.

A representative of the management company will be in Australia towards the end of next month and has hopes of meeting with you then to discuss this proposal. Could you please register your interest promptly by return mail so that arrangements can be made.

Yours sincerely

Paul Korzilius

BJ Management

 

 

"Wow honey that would have to be a dream come true, wouldn't it?" Rick said when Alex had finished reading the letter out loud.

"I guess" she replied, wondering why the letter had come directly to her and not through her agent as was customary for such offers. "I'm not sure I can do it though. I'll have to check in with the office to see if they have anything scheduled"

"Well get on the line then. This would be a great opportunity for you, especially given your affinity for the band" Rick prompted.

"I will in the morning. Right now I just want to get out of here for a bit. How about we head down to the harbour and grab some dinner...I'm half starved"

First thing next morning Alex was on the phone to her agent. She had hired him the year before at Rick's urging when she found it difficult to manage both her assignments and the job offers.

"Hi Martin" She said cheerfully when he finally answered the phone.

"Good Morning Alex, what can I do for you?"

"Well I've just had an offer of employment for the last two months 1993 and I want to know what my schedule looks like before I commit." Alex explained.

"Hmmm, give me a sec" Alex heard the shuffle of papers then Martin's gravelly voice came back on the line "Well there is nothing confirmed but there was a request for you to be in the States for November for the Bryan Adams Tour, other than that it's all clear."

"Perfect, can you lock that in for me?" Alex jumped at the offer...a little too quickly.

"But you don't even know the details.."

"I'll worry about those later...just confirm the job please. Oh and while you're at it, can you arrange for an out of town assignment for the last two weeks of this month, like overseas out of town."

Alex chatted for a few more minutes, reviewing the next week's schedule before saying goodbye. Then began to pen a response...

 

Friday, 6 November 1992

Dear Mr Korzilius,

I thank you for your offer, but regret to inform you that my services have already been secured for that period and I will be unable to accept your very generous offer. It would be very much appreciated if all further correspondence of this nature be directed through my agent. I have enclosed his business card for your records. Please extend my regards to the band; I have very fond memories of my time working with them.

Kindest Regards

Alex Belle

Alex folded the letter and addressed the envelope, sealing it with a kiss. She just couldn't bear to be in the same country as him again. She feared the temptation to go to him would be too hard to resist. It was best for everyone involved if she put as much distance between them as she could.

***

When Jon received Alex's return letter he couldn't quite believe his eyes. She had turned him down flat. He had penned the letter in Pauls name so that she wouldn't think it a personal proposition - which of course it was. It just meant that now he would have to travel to Australia himself instead of sending one of the others. He was adamant the he would see her again.

When Jon arrived in Australia later that month for a pre tour promotional visit, he went straight to Alex's from the airport. He was anxious to see her again, it had been far too long. The hire car pulled up in front of her building and he made his way to the door. His sources assured him that this was still her current address. He rang the buzzer for her apartment and ran his hand through now short hair as he waited for a response. When he heard the intercom click his heart jumped up into his throat.

"Yes, can I help you?" An older unfamiliar female voice croaked.

"I'd like to see Alex if I may" Jon said in his best formal voice.

"I'm sorry son, she isn't here. Miss Alex is away on assignment. Won't be back til the end of the month"

Jon's heart fell "Would you have a contact number or address please?"

"Sorry, I can't help you. I'm just in from downstairs to water the plants"

"OK, well thanks anyway" heartbroken he walked away from the apartment once again. It seemed that they would never have their time.

Jon finished his business in Australia and left promptly. He had allocated more than a week there but without Alex there it wasn't the same. With her it had felt like home...now it was just another stop on a busy calendar, and one that he had no interest in at all.

Chapter 33

Jon returned to the tour and his life but she was never far from his mind. At first he did his best to forget her as she had asked, but her absence from his mind would last no more than a few hours. Even in sleep she haunted his dreams, her soft skin, those luscious pink lips, her infectious laugh. Her long legs wrapped around him, her breasts pressed into his flesh. More often than not he woke with a screaming hard on and hoped against hope he didn't talk in his sleep. He hadn't even indulged in the sexual favours groupies were only too happy to offer.

Barely a month had past and his resolve to do as she wished was torn to shreds. He couldn't stay away. He contacted her boss at the paper only to be told she had moved on. Her parents were of no help, but then he hadn't expected them to be. Even Lanie, who expressed her regret to him for how things had turned out, would not disclose Alex's location or contact information. Jon was at a loss. She was gone from him once again.

A month after the tours end in 1990 Jon was at his mother and father's house celebrating his 28^th birthday. His family were all there, a couple of his childhood friends and of course his wife, all singing Happy Birthday and enjoying good food and company. Once the cake had been cut and while his family continued to celebrate inside, Carol Bongiovi watched her son discretely sneak out the back door.

Jon was sitting on the porch step when he heard the screen door creak, and his mother's voice.

"Jon, please come inside honey, it's far too cold to be sitting out here like this"

"I'm fine ma, I'll be in soon. I just wanted a little time alone" Carol was gravely concerned for her son, never had she seen him so despondent.

Since his return from the tour he had barely spoken, to her or anyone else. She had at first assumed it was just burn out, she had seen that before but this was different somehow. Finally the week before, her daughter-in-law had come to her to express her concern. Jon was apparently having difficulty sleeping, he was drinking too much and was unresponsive to his wife's attentions. Dot was at her wits end and hoped the Bongiovi matriarch would be able to help her. Carol assured her she would try.

"What's wrong honey?"

"It's nothing Ma"

"Jon... I can see something is troubling you. Believe me when I say I have no delusions as to the lifestyle you lead, if you need to talk, I'm here for you. You've always been able to tell me anything, that hasn't changed just because you're a rock star. That's just your job honey not who you are"

The pair sat in silence for long minutes as a war was waged in Jon's head and heart. Did he keep Alex to himself, wrapped up in that magical place in his heart he had reserved for her? Or did he share her with the one person who had always understood him the best, the one who had always managed to give him perspective when he needed it the most.

"Awe geez Mom... I don't know where to begin." He started, and then he couldn't stop. "I met someone Ma. And she's just amazing...beautiful and intelligent and kind and strong and independent and....and" he began to shake his head "....she's not Dot"

"Ohhhh" Jon's mother said quietly. "I thought this funk you were in was about the band and the boys"

"That hasn't helped but no. It's her...I can't get her out of my mind" Jon couldn't bring himself to look at his mom. Instead he kept his head dipped and his face hidden in the long hair that dropped either side, as he fidgeted with this fingers.

"Who is she? Do I know her?"

Jon shook his head "No. No one you know. I just don't know what to do Ma. I made a commitment to Dot, I know that but that was before....well before her." He looked up then, and Carol could see the depths of pain and the unshed tears in her son's eyes.

"How far did this go?" Carol asked.

"We had an amazing week together" A small smile crept onto his face at the thought of the blissful week he and Alex had shared.

"So you..?" Carol asked.

Jon nodded.

"And how do you feel about this woman?"

"I love her Ma...more than I thought possible. She had me from hello."

"Oh dear. Did she come home with you? Where is she now?"

Once again Jon shook his head. "No idea really, I haven't seen her for a few months. We had an amazing week together and then she ended it, told me I needed to go back to my wife."

"She sounds like a smart woman, though the fact she got involved with you in the first place tends to speak against that...." Carol looked down at her hands in her lap and own wedding band.

"It really wasn't like that Mom. I pursued her.....relentlessly. It started years ago but she was too young then..."

Carol looked up with alarm "How old is she now?"

"Just eighteen"

"Oh Jon" Carol said in dismay "and I suppose she's a fan" Jon nodded in response.

"Oh my dear boy....what were you thinking?"

He looked directly at his mother now, sensing her disapproval. "What was I thinking...I was thinking that she is the most amazing woman I have ever met. That she makes me feel like no one has before, and I don't just mean physically. I was thinking that if I wasn't already married to Dot I would have asked her to marry me. I'm in love with her Mom... It really doesn't matter what I was thinking. When I'm with her emotion just takes over."

"But honey, you are married to Dot. Listen sweetie, marriage isn't always easy. In fact, besides motherhood it's the hardest job I've ever had. And that's just what it is. It's a job. You have to work at it son." Carol put an arm around her son's shoulders and pulled him to her. "Dorothea is a good woman Jon, a strong woman and one that will keep you grounded. She's known you forever and loves you for who, not what, you are. And that is something you will never be sure of again. Don't mess that up, honey."

"But..." Jon started

"No buts Jon. You said it yourself, you made a commitment and no Bongiovi goes back on their word. I think what you need is to get away for a while. Take that fancy new bike you bought, take Dot, and get away for a while, just the two you, have the honeymoon you didn't have. Hopefully you will be able to find what it was that you once had together, and get it back."

Jon nodded sadly. "I hope so ma, I really do, 'cause as things stand now...I just can't see a future for us"

Within a month Jon was back in the studio. He had been approached by the producers of a Young Guns, they wanted to use "Wanted Dead or Alive" as the soundtrack for the sequel they were shooting. Jon instead thought it more appropriate to create a new track for the film, one track turned into more than a dozen and he was soon recording an album. It was yet another way to wind down from the rigours of touring, but enabled him to keep in touch with what had always been so important to him...his music.

With the soundtrack out of the way Jon did as his mother suggested. He and Dot got on the bike and took an extended vacation, the honeymoon they never had, touring the States in an attempt to get back their old magic, and to a degree it worked. Without the pressures and temptations of tour life Jon was able to focus on his wife and remained faithful, at least physically.

Dot was just glad that her attentive husband was back. With only the two of them to concentrate on initially, there were no diversions for his attention, and later she assumed that he was, as always, consumed by his work. What Dot didn't know, was that, while she was sleeping soundly beside him, Jon would often lay awake at night thinking of another woman, another love....Alex.

Dot and Jon settled into a comfortable routine at home. The press were reporting that with two solo albums coming from the band - Richie's having been released shortly after Jon's - that Bon Jovi were through. But it wasn't long before Jon was feeling that old itch again. It appeared the rest of the band was feeling it too...at the end of 1991 Keep the Faith was born. The boys fell into their old routines as if they had never been apart, the break from touring and each other worked wonders...they were back.

By late October 1992 Jon was on top of the world. The new album charted well, a tour was in full swing and he had just received some of the greatest news of his life...he was about to become a father for the first time. But yet something was still missing....

***

Alex found the first few months after Jon's departure tortuous. With the continued success of the band the tour was highly publicised, and it seemed there was no escaping it...or him. His face taunted her from the covers of magazines, his voice tormented her from the radio and their time together haunted her dreams. Then word came from her boss, Lanie and her family that he was trying to contact her. All had been instructed not to give him any information and they all came through for her and then slowly, oh so slowly as the tour wound down and came to an end, the media saturation waned and the dreams became less frequent.

As a distraction Alex threw herself into her work, even more so than before. The photos of both the concert she had attended and the Lost Week photo shoot had been published internationally and as a result she was highly sought after, receiving offers from both international recording artists and several top shelf publications...Rolling Stone being one of them. At first she turned them all down, but soon reconsidered for although her passion had always been current affairs, it no longer held any appeal. The incident with Abbie had taken a huge toll and she found she could no longer bring herself to work the streets she once loved, so when Rolling Stone became relentless in their pursuit of her, she found it was an offer she couldn't refuse...she would be their Australian staff photographer, covering local artists and events and taking the occasional overseas assignment.

On March 2^nd, Alex stood on her balcony, looked to the stars and wished Jon Happy Birthday before stepping out on her first date since coming home. It was time to move on. Rick of course was only too happy to help her. He had been patient when she returned from Queensland, he sensed a profound change in her, but knew nothing of what had bought it about. He offered her friendship and support and he bided his time and waited for her to come to him, and was eventually rewarded. They dated, only casually at first, though the arrangement was much more casual for Alex than Rick who was intent on one day making her his wife.

The next two years were a flurry of activity for Alex. Her new job took her around the world several times over. She travelled to Japan in 1990 to cover Madonna's Blonde Ambition Tour, back at home that same year she toured with Cher during her Australian Leg and photographed Phil Collins, Aerosmith and Motley Crue. She was even hit on by Tommy Lee. In 1991 she returned to Japan for George Michael's Cover to Cover Tour and also worked the tours of AC/DC and Nirvana. She was also astounded and honoured when she was specifically requested to photograph Frank Sinatra. 1992 bought yet more tours and even more artists, Prince, Def Leppard and New Kids on the Block.

Alex's career was on an all time high, and eventually her personal life settled into a nice routine. She dated extensively those first couple of years, both at home and abroad. Rick was the one constant in her life, but it was not perfect - he was not Jon. So she dated others seeking the connection she had felt with him, trying to recapture it time and again, ultimately coming to realise that it would never, could never, happen again. It was upon this realisation that she finally committed to Rick. From mid 1991 the pair became exclusive, though work commitments often kept them separated, she was happy to come home to him when she could, to his home. They each kept their own apartments at Alex's insistence and much to Rick's annoyance but she just wasn't ready for that step just yet, for just as Jon had felt, for her there was always something lacking.

Chapter 32

Jon joined the rest of the band on the smaller jet to Brisbane the next morning but when their plane took off for the Europe a few hours later, it was short one passenger. He wasn't leaving her behind again. Instead he had made arrangements for the private charter continue on to Sydney and on to Europe later that night. By midday he was knocking on her door.

Noise could be heard coming from inside the apartment so he knew she was there. He heard footsteps approach and the key turn in the lock. "Thank God" he uttered.

The door swung wide. "Jon what are you doing here, where's Al?"

Jon pushed past Lanie at the door. "Don't play innocent with me Lanie. I know she's here. ALEX...ALI.... C'mon I know you're here...we can sort this out...don't do this to me again"

"Jon...I'm telling you she's not here. You're worrying me now....last I heard she was with you. She rang a couple of days ago telling me how happy she was, how amazing you were and that she would be home this morning some time. I thought you were her. Where is she Jon? If you've hurt her again I'll....."

"So she really isn't here." Jon asked already knowing the answer because he had been searching the apartment while Lanie spoke.

"No and I haven't heard anything either."

"Where else would she go?"

"Geez Jon, I don't know..."

"C'mon Lanie you must know. You're her best friend. I need to find her, I can't let her go again."

"Maybe her Mum and Dad's..." Lanie offered tentatively, wondering if she had said too much. But he just looked so desperate.

"Where?"

Lanie scribbled the address on a piece of paper, and was rewarded with a kiss on the cheek and he was gone.

***

At Tony and Sophia Belle's house the phone receiver sat off the cradle, had it not been they would have received one of the many calls Lanie had tried to make to warn them of their impending visitor. Their daughter had arrived on their doorstep during the night, the very early hour and puffy bloodshot eyes alerting them to her distress. Sophia had folded her daughter into her arms and held her close waiting for the tears to come but they never did. It seemed her daughter had already exhausted them but that she was glad nevertheless for the comfort of her mother's arms making no attempt to remove herself from them. Tony had stood by protectively. He knew not what had caused her distress but was resolved to sorting out whatever or whoever it was.

Sophia had led Alex to her bedroom, though she had never slept in this house, her mother had arranged all of her belongings as they had been in their old house before the move and Alex welcomed the sense of familiarity. She lay on the bed in her mother's arms until she finally fell asleep around dawn. The only words she spoke were "If he comes I'm not here and you don't know where I am."

Sophia had tried to question her daughter but Alex's lips had remained resolutely closed. She had always been a stubborn child, a trait she had unfortunately inherited from herself, one that had exacerbated many an argument over the years. She knew that in waiting her daughter would finally come to her but that pushing at this emotional time would only serve to drive her away.

In the early afternoon the knock on the door Alex had dreaded finally came. She was locked in her room sitting cross legged on her bed, her childhood friend Big Ted clutched firmly to her chest. Sophia was busying herself in the kitchen preparing the evening meal and Tony, who had decided to work from home so he could be near his daughter, was holed up in their home office attending to some phone calls that could not be postponed.

Alex's heart started to thump at the sound and she listened intently for the exchange downstairs.

"Can I help you?" Tony asked as he opened the front door to find a long haired youth....no not a youth a man...this guy had to be in his twenties. Immediately he was unimpressed.

"Hello Mr Belle. I'm Jon, I was wondering if I could see Alex please?" As he spoke he ran a hand through his hair and immediately realised his mistake when Tony's attention was drawn to his wedding band. Fuck why didn't I take it off. Great first impression.

"She's not here." Tony said as he made to close the door but a cowboy booted foot prevented him from doing so. Was that an American accent?

"I think she is sir and I'm sorry to be forward but I really need to see her." Jon pushed on the door and it slipped from Tony's grasp and swung wide.

Sophia, who had heard the ruckus, made her way into the foyer stood in awe of the young man who graced her doorstep. Could it be... no impossible.

Tony became aware of his wife presence and beckoned her over. "Honey this is Jon, he's here to see Alex"

"Oh I know who he is." She would reserve the pleasantries until she knew his intent.

"You do, I haven't heard Alex mention any Jon."

"Have you not looked at her walls at all over the last few years dear" Sophie was a little exasperated by her husband's lack of attention to details. "This is Jon Bon Jovi, you know the one from the posters, he sings that 'Prayer' song you don't mind."

"Oh...Ohhhh. Well rock star or not, no long haired lout will be sniffing around my little girl, especially not one that's considerably older and married to boot." Alex's father moved to stand before Jon effectively barring his entry.

"I'm sorry son we can't help you. I really think it's best that you leave." Sophia said, diplomatically echoing her husband's sentiments.

"Please sir, ma'am, just tell me if she's here. Tell me that she's ok. I only want to talk to her but at the very least I need to know she is safe."

"I can assure you that she isn't here and even if she were you wouldn't have an icebergs hope in hell of seeing her so I suggest you just get on your bike and scram. You won't get any satisfaction here."

"I'm not leaving until I talk to her. I know you must know where she is."

Upstairs Alex listened intently. She had fled the resort unsure of her resolve to tell him goodbye, but here, with the support of her family, she felt strong enough to face him. Slowly she descended the stairs and still clutching her bear and flopped down on the second last step. Jon pushed past Tony and knelt on the hard tile floor before her. She looked so young and innocent, sitting there with her childhood toy but her eyes expressed the pain she felt.

"Alex honey go back upstairs I can handle this" Tony said as he came up behind Jon ready to physically extract him from the house.

"No Daddy, it's OK. I need to do this. He needs to hear this from me or he won't leave." She said, her tear streaked face breaking her father's heart as he stood by helpless.

"Jon, you need to leave. We have been through this. There is no future for us. I would never settle for what you can offer me Jon. I deserve better. If you were free, I am sure that we could have had something truly amazing......"

"But Ali it is amazing...."

"NO Jon! What it is... is tragic" she paused and swallowed down the huge lump that had formed in her throat.

"Now please leave and don't bother me or my family again"

"You don't mean that Ali. I know you don't. Please baby we need to talk some more. I'm not gonna lose you again. It hurt too much the first time" Jon pleaded.

Tony and Sophia stood by dazed and confused, looking at each other with a puzzled expresion..the first time?

"When was the first time?" Alex heard her father's whisper and glanced across to see her mother's shrug. "She's barely eighteen" her dad continued.

"Shhh Tony" Her mothered hushed.

"You never had me to begin with. I will always cherish our time together but I got from you what I wanted, what I needed and now it's over. So you need to walk out that door, back to your life... and your wife, and never look back."

Tony placed his hand on Jon's shoulder. He couldn't help feeling a little sorry for this poor man who had fallen so hard for his daughter's charms. "OK son, it's time for you to leave."

Jon rose but dropped a card on the bottom step at Alex's feet. "I fly out at midnight tonight on a private charter, I have a show tomorrow in Portugal, the boys have already left this morning. If you change your mind and want to talk that's where you'll find me." He bent down to kiss her on the top of the head but was distressed and taken aback when she shrunk away from him. He cupped the side of her face with his hand and leaned in, whispering in her ear "I love you." Before backing away and walking out the door.

Jon anxiously waited out the day at the hotel. He didn't leave his room for fear that he would miss her call. He was restless and distracted. He took a brief shower for fear he's miss her call and he called reception several times to check if there were any messages, and on the one occasion that there was his heart raced until he discovered it was from Doc urging him to "Get your fucking ass on that plane immediately". Never had an addiction grabbed him so hard, for she was an addiction and just as he had sung in his song there was no cure.

Come 11.45 p.m. Jon was at the airport on the tarmac ready to board. He had been whisked through security and customs as was customary for him. He turned again to look at the terminal, nothing. He made his way to the boarding ramp and began to ascend the stairs. He was half way up the stairs when he felt a set of eyes on him. He turned towards the terminal for one last look, was it ...no it couldn't be. He took the remaining steps two at a time til he stood on the landing where he could get a better view but there was no-one in sight. Jon boarded the plane and was in his seat, but a niggling voice in his head kept telling him NO! GO BACK!

Jon jumped out of his seat, ran down the aisle, past the startled flight attendant and flew down the stairs and across the tarmac. He breached security when he ran up the service stairs to the closest aerobridge and set alarms wailing as he burst through the door to the terminal. He ran through the building to where he thought had seen her last....but she was gone. He remained there for a long moment, running his fingers through his hair as he spun around searching her out in the near empty terminal. Nothing. He crouched low his hands still threaded in his hair his elbows resting on his knees, his eyes focused on a dirty patch of dried up chewing gum on the carpet. When he raised them, noticed an abandoned child's toy propped against the terminal window. He went to retrieve it; it may belong to a child on the plane after all. It was a well worn teddy bear, her teddy bear...a note hung from his neck... 'Something to remember me by'. As if he could ever forget.....

Chapter 31

It was with a heavy heart that on Monday evening while Jon was busy with his band mates that Alex packed her bags and left the resort without so much as a goodbye. She and Jon had spent the entire evening before and the whole day in bed, ordering room service for sustenance and venturing no further than the bathroom.

They had made love slowly, sensually, revelling in each other. Delicate touches, sweet kisses, passionate explorations. They dozed in each other's arms when they became tired, and fed each other when they were hungry, and time passed all too quickly. Before either of them realised, the sun was setting, signalling that dinner would soon be served at the farewell bash some of the girls had arranged as a thank you for an extraordinary week.

Jon regretfully disengaged himself from Alex's arms; she had once again fallen asleep. He hated that he had to move away from her, hated that he had to spend what was possibly his last evening with her for quite a while in the company of strangers. He wanted to wrap the two of them in a cocoon and never come out, but real life and all that it entailed beckoned...he only hoped that he could convince her to join him. He had already begun to make some of the arrangements. He had an agent looking for a suitable residence and had made some enquiries about her career and job availability, all very discretely of course.

He made his way to the shower and stood beneath the pounding water jet. He could feel the tension begin to build in his body once again at the mere thought of continuing the tour, and knew that within days it would seem like the last week had never happened. Jon felt a soft hand encircle his manhood and turned to greet Alex with a kiss. She kissed him hungrily, her tongue delving deep into his mouth, and he felt he knew then what her answer would be to his question later that night, she was already saying goodbye. At least they still had the night, and now that he had found her he had no intention of letting her go. He was committed to doing whatever it took to keep their relationship alive in whatever way possible.

Alex moved slowly down his body until she was close enough to take him in her mouth but didn't. No longer was she the hesitant inexperienced girl of a week ago. Jon was a kind and patient lover and was teaching her well. She slowly ran the tip of her tongue up the underside of his cock but stopped short of the head. She repeated this several times before she paused at the base to suck one of his balls into her mouth; Jon braced himself on the wall no longer confident in the ability of his legs to hold him. She rolled it around gently eliciting a moan from him as her hand moved frustratingly slowly up and down his shaft that was still slightly lubricated by the bodywash that remained there from his cleansing ritual, but once again she was careful to stop just shy of its head, denying him the pleasure he sought.

Jon thrust his pelvis in her direction but she took no notice. It was happening on her terms. She released his ball from her mouth and instead cupped both of them in one hand rolling them gently in her palm while massaging the sensitive area behind them with the tip of her middle finger. Her free hand snaked a slow curvy path up over his abdomen and chest to play with an erect nipple, flicking and pinching, teasing unceasingly.

Taking his penis to hand once again, Alex changed the motion slightly rotating it clockwise on the downstroke and anticlockwise on the up. She kissed his left thigh and began a large circle of kisses around his manhood, all the way up to his navel and around closing in with each lap until she was upon him again, her warm breath tantalizing and then her mouth was on him and he was gliding into the warm silky depths of her mouth. She looked up at him through the shower spray, making eye contact, as she took him deeper and deeper, all the way until her nose nestled in his pubic hair. She moaned a little and he noticed then that one of her hands had moved to her own sweet folds and she was pleasuring herself, turned on by her ministrations of him. The moan vibrated through his cock as she withdrew all the way, where she teased the tip a little with her tongue before sliding back down his shaft again. He felt his head hit the back of her throat and prompted her up, knowing it wouldn't be long now and wanting to feel her against him... all of her.

As Alex stood he swung her around parted her feet with his foot and promptly slid into her from behind, clenching her tightly to him with an arm wrapped around her waist as he thrust into her. One hand found her breast and kneaded and teased the nipple, the other moved lower to her pussy where he found her hand still at work. He covered her small hand with his and learned her most intimate secrets of how she liked to be pleasured, his hand mimicking hers as it worked her erect little nub. His rigid member slid in and out of her slowly at first but as her breath quickened and started to hitch he quickened the pace.

She began to clench around him and her hand moved away from her now sensitised bud, pulling his with it. She braced her hands against the shower wall before her, high over her head, and he gathered them up in one hand and held them there, his other hand spread low across her abdomen still holding her two him. He was now pumping at a furious pace and she met every thrust with a backwards push, allowing him deeper access.

Jon's lips were all over her shoulder, neck and ear and once she turned to grant him access, her mouth, his kisses reflecting the urgency he felt, no longer soft and gentle but hard and demanding, searching for an answer he knew he wouldn't find, for this was a goodbye, he was sure of it now, he saw the tears in the depths of her eyes as they both climaxed in unison. A mind shattering, debilitating orgasm that left them both as exhausted as satisfied.

They stood together for long moments still joined, Alex never wanting to forget the feeling of his hard body against her, inside her, Jon simply too spent to move. The warm water washed over them and disguised the tears that now flowed freely from her eyes. In little more than an hour she would be gone from this place and Jon's embrace forever.

She turned around and held him tightly to her and whispered in his ear "I'll love you, baby....always."

"This is goodbye isn't it?"

"Don't be silly Jon. We still have all night ....and a little bit of tomorrow." She lied.

He kissed her deeply and picked up the sponge he had dropped when she had joined him and washed her reverently. Though he desperately wanted to believe her he had a sinking feeling that this would be the last time he would hold her in his arms.

Jon was right. A little less an hour later while he was seated in the tent watching the evenings "entertainment" Alex stood on the sidewalk as the chauffer placed her bags into the trunk of the limousine that would speed her away from him. He rounded the lengthy white monster and opened the door for her and she slid inside. The sense of loss she felt was profound, she hit the button for the privacy screen, the driver had no need to speak to her for he knew their destination. Tears flowed unchecked, knowing, as the car pulled away from the kerb, she was leaving behind the only man she would ever love.

***

A couple of hours into the farewell party Jon checked his watch. Where the fuck is she? A sense of dread washed over him. NO way would she leave without as much as a goodbye! Would she? He looked at his watch again. FUCK!!

"Rich..Richie....." Jon tugged on his brother's sleeve. Slowly Richie turned towards him, an alcohol induced daze affecting his reaction time.

"What?! Man, can't you see I'm busy?' His words slurring just a little.

"Did Alex say anything to you today?"

"How could she? You most likely had her in bed all day" Richie hadn't taken his eyes off Elle who was on stage dancing. She hadn't taken her eyes off the exchange happening before her, knowing that Alex should be gone by now.

Jon grinned at the thought "Oh yeah...well last night then? How did she seem to you?"

"Fine man, why, what's this about?" Richie was still absorbed in Elle.

"She should've been here by now, that's all?" Jon glanced at his watch again. "She was just going to do her hair and shit and follow after me." Jon's gaze followed Richie's to rest on Elle, welcoming the distraction. She managed a small smile but looked at him with pity, a sadness in her eyes and he knew.

"FUCK...FUCK...NO FUCKING WAY" Jon stood knocking the chair backwards and ran from the tent, Richie calling after him. He ran all the way back to the villa, stormed through the door and took the stairs two at a time.

"ALI...ALEX" No answer.

He went to her old room, the one she had all but abandoned days before, but that still housed her belongings.

"Alex you can't do this to me, not again." He was speaking to an empty room. He swung the wardrobe doors wide. It was empty.

His heart started to pound, the thump, thump, thump echoing in his ears.

He hesitated when he got to the door of the room they shared, placing his forehead against it. It was closed but he could hear gentle music coming from the other side, U2's With or Without you.

"OH thank God" he exclaimed as he swung the door open. But it too was empty.

Please don't be gone, please don't be gone. But she was.

In the middle of the bed lay a single red rose across a photo of the two of them together. The inscription at the bottom read 'Goodbye baby.
I will love you always. A.'

Jon raged at the closest thing to him. The table lamp beside the bed flew across the room with one bat of his hand and smashed against the wall, the pieces scattering throughout the room. The momentum of his swing and the alcohol he had consumed throwing him off balance causing him to fall to his knees, where he stayed as the despair of loss consumed him once again.

Chapter 30

The rest of the week passed in a blur for Alex and Jon. They spent every moment together, not wanting to waste any of the precious little time they had left. The only time they emerged from the cocoon of their newfound passion was for meals, these they spent with the band and crew, laughing and joking, and accepting the good natured ribbing they knew was their due, given their inability to keep their hands of each other.

It was obvious to Alex that the other women at the resort were less than impressed at Jon's attachment to her, but she couldn't care less. While she was friendly and courteous to all, she had really only formed a friendship with one, Elle. Given her exclusivity with Richie, and the brotherly relationship that Jon and Richie enjoyed, it was a natural evolution for the two women to become friends. The four sat together for meals, often detached from the rowdy goings on that had become the norm at this week long party.

In a very early conversation, Elle revealed to Alex that she was under no illusion as to the nature of her relationship with Richie.

"I know all I am to him is a diversion from his real life. He's in a relationship, I accept that. We are just enjoying what we have while we are here." Elle explained.

"But how can you do that? How can you be with him every day knowing that in a few days you will part and never see each other again?" Alex asked.

"Well" Elle considered the question before answering "Aren't you doing exactly the same thing? I mean what will happen with you and Jon once you leave here? Will you join him on tour?"

"Noooo, I couldn't. My life is here; my family, my friends, my job. I could never leave all of that behind"

"Well then, you are doing the same as me. I mean, if he's there and you're here what kind of future can you have. No man wants a mistress that lives on the other side of the world. What would be the point of that?" Elle offered.

She had articulated Alex's thoughts perfectly. Deep down, hell even not so deep down, Alex knew there was no future for her and Jon. It was an impossible situation, and while they hadn't discussed it yet, she knew what he would offer.... and knew that she would turn him down.

Laying on the beach three days later Alex revealed her thoughts to Elle. The two men were taking advantage of the cooling waters while the women lazed on the sand working on their tans.

"Elle" Alex said almost tentatively. She felt she could rely on her new friend but was hesitant given the gravity of what she was about to reveal.

"Hmmm" Elle answered lazily as she turned her head towards the voice.

"I need to ask a favour of you. I'm sorry to do this to you but I really need your help, thing is you can't tell anyone, especially not Richie or Jon?"

"Sure, whadda ya need?"

"I'm leaving here tomorrow night. Jon doesn't know and I'm not going to tell him. He's told me he has something to ask me after dinner tomorrow and if it's what I think it is I don't want to be here for the question."

"You think he's gonna ask you to go back to the States with him?" Elle asked surprised, she still did not know the history between Jon and Alex so had no reason to think of her as anything more than a holiday fling.

Alex nodded in affirmation. "There is a history here Elle and a lot you don't know. Jon and I met last tour and when he got here he sought me out again. I know it sounds crazy but there is a connection there, and he's told me he feels it too. And if he does ask me to go back with him, well....I'm not sure I would have the strength to say no to him and I really need to for my own sanity."

Elle was now sitting crossed legged on her towel her attention peaked. "So what do I have to do?"

"I need transport, a car to get me out of here while Jon is distracted at dinner tomorrow night, and for you to do some of the distracting. I don't know maybe get some of the girls to do a farewell floor show...I'm sure they'd be up for it"

"A few of them already have something in the works I hear but I'll see what I can find out. As for the car, consider it done, I'll head over to the concierge before I hit the shower." Elle agreed. "But are you sure this is what you want, I mean imagine the life you could have with him."

"But that's just it" Alex lifted a hand to wave at Jon who currently had Richie in a headlock and was waving furiously to catch her attention before he slipped from his grasp, which he did grabbing Jon about the waist and tackling him into the surf. Alex grinned "Hmph ...boys will be boys. Where was I ...Oh yeah... but that's the thing I wouldn't have a life with him, I'd have a life on the sidelines and just can't be the other woman. That's just not enough for me."

"OK, well I'll head over there while they are re-enacting their childhoods, save the suspicion if I need to make excuses later. Just let Rich know I'm heading back to my apartment to grab a couple of things and I'll meet him at his before dinner."

"Thank you sooo much Elle, this really means alot to me." Alex engaged the other women in a brief hug before she rose.

"Don't mention it" Elle shot over her shoulder as she moved off down the beach towards the resort.

Alex spent the rest of the afternoon and evening saying her goodbyes. Of course no-one realised that's what she was doing. She managed to get each of the band members alone for a quite chat and thanked them for their friendship and acceptance. They all thought she was just a little emotional now that their holiday was drawing to a close.

She found her time with Richie to be the hardest, and it was for this reason she left him until last and caught up with him after dinner while the boys were enjoying a game of pool. Alex had spent more time with him than any of the others, and his charming easygoing nature had led to a fast friendship being formed. He teased her relentlessly and on more than one occasion had referred to her as the little sister he always wished he had. It was the time Alex spent with him that made her realise she was not only saying goodbye to Jon but to all of them, and it hurt her deeply, a small tear forming in her eye as she took him in a deep hug.

When Alex pulled back Richie noticed the tear and the sadness in her eyes. "Hey what's this darlin?" he said as he brushed away the tear with his thumb. "We still have a couple of fun filled days and as for us, I really don't think it will end there"

"It's just been a bit overwhelming, this week, ya know? This is a dream come true for me, meeting all of you, being with him. You have become like family, I never expected that and I just don't want it to end, but reality has to hit sometime."

"Maybe not," Richie hinted "now, don't let on I told you but I believe Kidd may have plans for you yet."

Alex simply smiled in response but Richie noticed it didn't quite reach her eyes, and he thought then that this may indeed be goodbye. He hoped he was wrong for Jon's sake, but feared he was right.