Chapter 56

At two a.m. Jon sat alone in the bar of Ritz. An empty glass and a bottle of Jack sat before him, but he couldn't bring himself to pour it. He couldn't believe what he had done to Alex earlier. It was the height of cruelty and he knew it. Everything that had happened since had been totally deserved. But that didn't mean he had to like it.

He couldn't believe it when, shortly after Rick and Alex had left the reception, Dot had led him – in stony silence – to their room and it was, of all places, the room adjoining Alex's. Could it get any worse? He had thought at the time. The answer was a most definitive YES.

As he and Dot had climbed into bed together, the set of her shoulders and turned back telling him in no uncertain terms that he shouldn't be expecting to get amorous with her even if the inclination arose (which it hadn't), the noises from the next room began. Jon knew from experience that Alex was a very vocal lover. She proved to be no different with her husband.

"Oh god baby yes...." her muffled cries penetrated the wall. Damn it.

"Sounds like someone's having fun," Dot murmured and then drifted off onto a peaceful slumber.

An hour, and countless 'Oh god Rick please'....and 'yes Rick yes's later, it was all Jon could do not to scream. He covered his head with first one, then two pillows. All that accomplished, was preventing him from breathing.

"Harder baby...faster..."

That was it...He got out of bed and opened the French doors to let in the sounds of the night. They – apparently - liked the sounds of the night too. Their door was open. He heard her scream out her third... or was it fourth orgasm as he closed the doors behind him. Fuck it all to hell.

He threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and headed down to the bar. If he didn't know better he would have sworn she was doing it on purpose. But he did know better. And there was no way she could have been. He hadn't even known what room he was in, until Dot had led him to that God damned door.

So now here he sat drowning his sorrows. The bar was closed for the night, but Jon had discovered - - quite some time ago – that nothing was closed when you threw enough money at it. He heard footsteps approaching from behind him and without even turning said, "bars closed."

"So I see," said a much too familiar voice, "But I was hoping since you were in here I could grab a drink to take upstairs."

"Help yourself buddy." Jon replied and indicated to the bar he was leaning on. "It's all paid for."

"Shit. What has you so bummed you bought out the entire bar?" Rick asked as he settled into the seat beside Jon.

Jon stole a quick glance at the man. He was neatly dressed but his hair was rumpled and his lips were red and swollen. Worst of all...he smelled like her. Her perfume. Her sex.

"I had to get out of my room and this..." once again he indicated the bar, "....this was the only way. There is a couple up there fucking like god damned fucking rabbits. I couldn't sleep for the noise."

"OH shit. You're not on the second floor are you man?" Rick asked in jest.

"Yep."

"Not anywhere near room 215?" He asked a little more sheepishly.

"216"

Rick winced, "Fuck man, I'm sorry."

Jon waved his apology off, wishing the bastard would just grab his drink and leave. No such luck.

"It's just that well Al and I get to see each other so infrequently, when we do...well I'm sure you understand."

"Uh huh." For fucks sake shut up.

"And Al has always been a little on the vocal side in bed."

"I know," Jon mumbled.

"What?"

Something in Ricks tone had his head snapping up to look at the man. "Sorry?" Jon asked, trying to think what he had said. He had been so busy trying to block out thoughts of Alex he hadn't been concentrating on what was coming out of his mouth. Now Rick was sitting her looking at him expectantly with a look on his face that could only be described as cold.

"What did you mean by 'I know'?" Rick asked very succinctly.

"Did I say that?" Jon asked. Rick nodded. "Oh shit, sorry man. I didn't mean it like that," Jon bluffed, "I just meant I could tell...hell, I think half the hotel knows that Ali is vocal in bed."

"Oh yeah...right. Sorry." Rick said more evenly. "I just get a little...well hell, I'm away from her so much. You know how it goes man. I'm sure you're the same with Dot."

"No...not really," Jon said dismissively, "but I can understand how you could be like that about Ali."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before it became too much for Jon. "Look man I want to apologise for before. I should have told Dot about Alex. I know she's still hurting over this whole kid thing."

"Yeah...we both are." Rick studied his glass intently.

Jon studied him for a moment. The pain exuding from the man was palpable. "Yeah I guess you are. Sorry man. It must be tough."

"It is. But we'll get through it." Rick paused for several seconds as he considered his next words carefully. "You know you really did hurt her feelings back there. It took me ages to coax her out of the bathroom when we got back to our room. Seeing her walk out of there with those red puffy eyes...I swear man if I had have known you were in the room next door I would have come in and flattened you."

Jon nodded slowly. "And I would have deserved it."

"She wouldn't talk about it or even admit that it upset her but I know it did. She thinks a lot of you man and I think you just shattered the illusion a little." Rick said. It was now his turn to study Jon intently.

Jon couldn't meet the man's gaze. He swore softly under his breath and studied the glass in his hands instead. Finally the silence was too much for him. "Shit man, I don't know what to say. A simple apology doesn't seem good enough."

"It's not me that has to hear it." Rick said and let Jon ponder that for a while before he spoke again. "Alex said you were a big help when she first found out. Thanks for that."

"What did she say?" Jon asked a touch of panic bleeding into his voice.

"Just that she had run into you a little while later, that you had been a good friend and you were there to support her. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. Why didn't you tell Dot though?"

"I'm not sure she would have been as understanding about the time I spent with Alex in that first couple of weeks." Fucking her brains out every chance I got, he added silently to himself.

"Surely she wouldn't have been that unreasonable?"

"Perhaps not...but I spend so little time with the family I could hardly tell her I was spending some of it supporting another woman through an emotional crisis, I just thought it better not to mention that I was seeing Alex at all. I'm sorry it came to what it did though. I told Dot tonight about Alex telling me...when she reamed me out over my insensitivity. She wasn't even talking to me by the time we got to our room." Jon explained.

"Man, I'm sorry."

"Hey it is what it is." Jon shrugged. "Now if you two animals are done for the night..." He offered a small smile to hide the twinge of pain he felt, "I think I'll try to get some sleep."

"Al was taking a bath when I headed down and then she was heading to bed...well back to bed..." he held his hands up in a gesture of surrender, "...to sleep. I think I may have worn her out. She can never believe that I can go again so quickly..."

"TMI man," Jon interrupted, "just a little too much information there, my friend."

"Sorry. You heading up?" He raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"Yep."

"Let me just grab a bottle of Perrier and I'll head up with you."

They took the stairs instead of waiting for the lift, making small talk all the way. Jon entered his room a few minutes later waving goodbye to Rick at the door. As he finally drifted off to sleep some time later, he pondered what a shame it was that the guy had married his woman, 'cause he really liked the son of a bitch too much to hate him with the vehemence he wanted to.

***

Jon woke the next morning to more moaning and giggling coming from the other side of the wall. Fuck! The guy was superman. His morning hard on already tented the sheet that was spread loosely across his hips, and each erotic noise from his neighbours had him growing harder. He reached across the bed and found the warm body of his wife. Ooooh yes!

"Ohhh no you don't," Dot slapped his hand away from her breast not two minutes later.

"C'mon Dottie," Jon nuzzled into the back of her neck. "I need you baby."

"You don't need me Jon." She said as she scooted out the other side of the bed, "You just need someone to take care of that." She nodded towards is very obvious erection. "Obviously the couple next door have given your libido a rise."

"I don't give a fuck what Alex is doing." He snarled.

"What? That's Alex and Rick in there?"

"Yep."

"How do you know?"

"I ran into Rick in the bar last night...he confessed."

Dot raised an eyebrow as a high female squeal, breeched the wall, followed by a 'Ohhhh Rick...'

"Well, well, well...I honestly didn't think Alex had it in her."

"Oh, she has it in her alright," Jon muttered. I just wish it was mine.

Chapter 55

Before she knew what was happening, Jon had gathered her in his arms and was kissing her with a hungry intensity that shocked her momentarily into submission. She felt him guide her back into her room, and heard the door slam as he kicked it closed behind them. In four short paces he had her on the bed beneath him, her black fitted suit jacket was open and he was pulling at the silver silk cami she wore beneath. Suddenly her senses came back to her.

"Jon...Stop!" She said, her hands braced on his shoulder trying to push him away from her as he ravaged her neck.

"Jesus Ali, you have no idea how much I need you right now." He growled as he continued on his path down to her cleavage.

"Jon. Don't!" She gave one hard shove and he pulled back looking down at her puzzled.

"What's wrong baby?"

"I am not doing this with you here. Are you insane? My husband and your wife are both downstairs. Rick could walk in here any minute." She said as she sat up and straightened her clothes.

"Nah...he was busy telling Dot all about the Middle East. They'd make a great couple you know." He curled his hand around the back of her neck and drew her to him.

She pulled back. "Jon, I said NO!" She stood and took two steps back from where he sat on the edge of her bed.

"Ali, what the fuck? We don't have a lot of time here." He muttered, his dejection presenting itself as annoyance.

"We can't do this Jon." She replied calmly. She wouldn't rise to his provocation.

"The hell we can't. Jesus babe...I haven't seen you in over a month and it's not like your making things easier." He retorted angrily, jumping to his feet.

 

Now that was going too far. "The hell I don't." She mimicked his tone. "I'm the one who's been flying all over the fucking country to see you."

 

"Oh fuck you, Alex. You do not. You see me when it's convenient for you to see me." Jon snapped back.

 

"Well isn't that the pot calling the kettle black. Get out Jon." Alex indicated the door with a flip of her wrist. "I don't have time for your bullshit."

 

"My bullshit?" He replied coolly. "Are you fucking kidding me? You want me to just follow you around like a fucking puppy dog don't you? Well guess what, Alex, that ain't my style. I could walk into that room downstairs right now and pick any woman and take her to bed...married or not...husband there or not...but not you. No never you."

 

"Just go Jon...I don't want to argue with you anymore." Alex said resignedly shaking her head. "It's not worth the grief. Not for the little I get in return."

 

"Oh, that's just perfect. Run away again Ali. That's what you always do. You never want to face our reality do you?" He challenged.

 

"What's that Jon? That your job and your wife and your music and everything else come before me? Noooo honey, I faced that a long time ago.  I just can't fight you over it anymore."

 

"That's what I don't get babe... you have just as much consuming you as I do. You don't see me making demands of you." He watched as she raised a single sardonic eyebrow at that. "Can't we just accept that what we have is real. Can't you just love me for me? And appreciate the time that we do have together? 'Cause let me tell you honey, there are a whooooole lot of women who'd give their right arm to trade places with you right now."

 

"Get over yourself Jon." She huffed, "I do love you for you. That's why I can call you on your bullshit. And, whether you chose to admit it or not, I am the one making all the sacrifices in this relationship. As for those other women... if you can find one that will have your egotistical ass...please be my guest. Don't let the fact that you say that you love me stop you. But know this; I do not intend to stand here while you rub your hoards of admirers in my face.  I'm not exactly wanting for attention here either you know?"

 

"Oh really?" Ales watched the play of tension across his jaw as his teeth clenched shut. "So that's how it's gonna be, huh? Name one sacrifice you have made for me...just one?"

 

"I could name several."

 

"Let's hear 'em babe?"

 

"The job with Versace I turned down so I could fly out to LA to be with you. Or how about the trip to visit my husband I cancelled when you were having your latest emotional crisis? Or we could explore the fact that you fucked me in my husband's bed despite my protests and I have been living with the guilt of that ever since." She hadn't protested hard admittedly...but she had protested.

 

"You found more work in LA.  It's not like you were there just for me babe?"

 

"The hell I wasn't...and it wasn't a fucking million dollar contract...it was a lousy spread for fucking People."

 

"And suddenly not flying out to visit Rick..." he spat out the name in disgust, "....was all about me? Admit the truth Ali...you didn't want to see your..." he couldn't say it, he couldn't call that man her husband, "...him. You must think I'm fucking crazy. Don't even go there."

 

Alex stopped the continual pacing she had kept up throughout the argument and dropped to sit on the edge of the bed. "Just go Jon, please."

 

Jon opened his mouth to address the third and final issue when he looked at Alex...really looked at her...seeing her for perhaps the first time that night. She sat on the edge of the bed, shoulders slumped, head down and shaking no in a clear posture of resignation. What he saw immediately evaporated his temper. He urged himself to remember that the woman before him was not Dot. She was not the one making demands on him. She did love him unconditionally, regardless of how infrequently they saw each other. He tried to remember why he was arguing with her. Everything she had said was true. All of her points were valid...It was too risky to start anything here. Oh hell.

 

"Alright look, maybe I was a little out of line." It was the closest to an apology he could come. It fell far too short.

 

"Just go. I don't want to hear it anymore." Alex turned her back to him.

 

"Shit." He took a step towards her and stoped when he saw her frame stiffen. He didn't want to argue any more. "Ali, I didn't come up here to fight with you. I just...I love you so much. You have no idea what it does to me to be away from you...and then to have you this close and not be able to touch you...to love you like you deserve....it's making me a little crazy babe."

 

"Don't."

 

"It seems like I spend more hours out of every day and night than I should trying to figure out a way I can steal just a few hours with you but hell, you know what my life is like at the moment. I am being torn in a million directions. I am under an unbelievable amount of pressure," he raked the long strands of hair out of his eyes, "I don't seem to have a second to myself...but any down time I do have is spent thinking of you.... and you're...you're the only peace I have. When I'm with you it's the only time I can just...be me. I need to be with you Alex."

 

"Please Jon...just go. I'm too tired to do this with you right now.  All I have heard from you in your little speech is how this affects you. You haven't even considered me.  The fact that I am always here when you need me...I said need Jon, not want. Or that not once through this whole thing have I made ANY demands on your time ...while you have made countless on mine...It's always all about you."

 

"I see." He said sadly, still a little stunned at her dismissal.

 

"I wish you did."

 

Jon opened his mouth to respond, closed it realising there was nothing more he could say, and walked silently out the door.

 

***

 

"Fuck," Alex muttered under her breath as she re-entered the banquet room a short time later. Standing together, over in the far corner of the room was her husband and...Dorothea.

Rick immediately caught her attention and waved her over. She plastered the best smile she could manage on her face and started towards them. From the corner of her eye she spied Jon at the bar. In the time it took her to cross the room she had observed him down three shots of amber liquid in quick succession. This isn't going to be pretty, she mused.

"Hey babe," Rick smiled at her warmly, "All done and stowed away?"

"Yep." She smiled back. "Sorry, I was a little longer than expected. I marked up all the film canisters ready for the lab. The courier will be here first thing in the morning to get them back to the studio. Lanie is going to get started on the developing for me, while we get a few days to ourselves." She snuggled into the warm security of Ricks embrace and turned to face Dot. "I hope he didn't bore you too much?"

"Are you kidding me? It's fascinating. Although, I'm a little surprised you let him out of your sight. It sounds like he has had a few close calls over there." Dot replied.

"I could no more keep him from his work than you could keep Jon here from the stage." She answered as Jon stumbled up behind his wife and laid a wet sloppy kiss on her cheek as he fondled her distended belly. "And I wouldn't want to. My career is also very important to me. I can't imagine my life without it, so I know just how he feels."

"Jon...stop that," Dot disentangled herself from her husband's drunkenly amorous embrace.

"What?" he asked indignantly. "I'm not doing anything wrong. I can cuddle my wife in public. I'm allowed to do that." He looked pointedly at Alex for the briefest of seconds, bent to kiss Dots tummy and then leaned in to kiss her.

"Jon...Please." She leaned away from him, but he swayed slightly so she stepped to his side placing an arm around his waist to steady him.

Alex watched him sceptically. While she had seen him down the three drinks in quick succession on her way into the room, she hadn't seen him drink the rest of the night. Something told her that he wasn't quite as drunk as he appeared. Jon moved around to stand behind Dot and once again placed his hands over her belly. Alex could have sworn he looked directly at her as he did, but she had been distracted by Dots next question.

Picking up on the earlier conversation she asked Alex, "But surely a family is important to you too. I just can't imagine what my life would be like without little Stephy and this one on the way. Carrying a child is such an amazing feeling...a miracle. It's really something you shouldn't deny yourself Alex and I doubt you'd be able to keep up your current pace when you're pregnant." Dots hand moved to cover Jon's on her stomach. Sometimes it was just easier to flow with the tide than fight it.

Alex's eyes began to sting, "That won't be a problem."

"I really don't see how you'll be able to manage both." Dot continued oblivious.

In perfect unison Jon and Rick both said "Alex can't have kids."

Dot flushed bright red, and at the same time that Rick drew Alex further into his protective embrace, she was swinging out of Jon's, turning to glare at him. "Jon, why didn't you say something before?" She asked in a dangerously low voice.

He shrugged non-committaly.

"How long have you known? For that matter how did you know? I can't believe that you are standing here flaunting this in Alex's face." She kept her voice low trying to spare herself any more embarrassment.

"I'm not flaunting anything. You're the one going on about it...not me." Jon said defensively.

"Well I wouldn't have mentioned it if you had of said something earlier." Dot ground out through clenched teeth.

She turned back to face Alex. "Alex...I am so sorry. I didn't know."

"Don't be silly. We are dealing with it aren't we, honey?" She turned and laid a hand on Rick's cheeks and kissed him soundly. "We still have each other and that's more than most people ever get. And don't be annoyed with Jon. He obviously just wasn't thinking. I don't think anyone would be that cruel intentionally."

Jon had enough grace to look uncomfortable when she said this.

"There isn't any hope? I mean medical research is coming along in leaps and bound these days." Dot asked.

Suddenly Alex could barely speak past the lump in her throat.

"Afraid not. The doctors were pretty confident in their diagnosis." Rick answered for her.

Struggling to keep her voice even, Alex said, "If you'll excuse us. I think I'd like a little time alone with my husband." The band struck up a slow song and she turned to Rick, "One dance before we head up stairs?" she asked.

"Anything for you babe." He took her hand and led her across the room to the dance floor.

Alex felt Jon's eyes on her back the entire time. When she had returned to the reception earlier she had made a promise to herself not to flaunt her relationship with Rick in Jon's face. Even now she had no real desire to do so. She knew how much it could hurt. But as Rick folded her into his arms and pulled her close, she couldn't help shooting one smugly defiant look in his direction.

Chapter 54

Alex was in the process of setting up her cameras for the formal shots that would be released to the press when she felt the presence behind her. "What's he doing here?" Jon growled in her ear, the tenor of his voice leaving no mistake as to which 'he' he was referring.

With barely a glance over her shoulder she responded. "He was invited. If you have a problem with that, I suggest you take it up with Richie and Heather." The happy couple were but a few yards away, blissfully unaware of the heated exchange taking place between their photographer and her lover.

"I wanted some time alone with you." He ground through clenched teeth.

"In case you have forgotten," she whispered, "you are here with your wife. That seems to have made time alone impossible regardless of Rick's attendance."

"I would have found a way." He insisted.

"Like you found a way to come see me this last month. I wouldn't hold my breath."

Jon huffed. "Alex...be reasonable. You know the situation."

"Far too well...But this is neither the time nor place to discuss it." She admonished.

Alex tried to keep her concentration focussed on her camera but was finding it increasingly difficult. It had been so long since they had seen each other that even his presence in the same room had elicited a strong physical reaction from her. One she knew all too well she had to hide. She had caught sight of him in the chapel during the service, and had found it hard to keep her attention focused on the bride and groom. She was having that same difficulty now.

"It seems that there is never a good time," he muttered.

"Well...isn't that telling you something?" She spat, as she corrected the final setting for the shoot.

"Yep, it's telling me that we need to commit to this more than we have been."

"And by that we you mean me I suppose?" She finally swung around to face him, defiant.

"NO," Jon yelled, frustration momentarily getting the better of him before lowering his voice as Richie shot him a warning glare. "By we I mean both of us. Though if I'm honest I have to admit more of that responsibility falls on my shoulders."

"You bet your sweet ass it does." And what an ass he had too, dammit Alex, focus.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around Ali. I'm being torn in a million different directions at the moment." He explained.

"Yep and as usual I'm the last to get a piece." He opened his mouth to object but she held up her hand to stop him. "Wrong time, wrong place. I have to get back to work. Go enjoy your family. There will be time enough later for us to argue this out." She said and turned dismissively back to her camera.

When she was sure he was gone she snuck a look on his direction. He had obediently returned to his wife's side, his disposition telling anyone who knew him well, that he wasn't happy to be there. Alex shook her head. She was disappointed in herself that she had to admit she was secretly pleased about that. She turned back to the task at hand.

***

"God, I've missed you baby." Rick's warm body had her pressed up against a wall in a dark corner of one of the Ritz's banquet rooms. His lips found hers in a fiery kiss, she was helpless to resist.

They were finally getting to the tail end of the evenings formalities and Alex was looking forward to the privacy of her room. Spending an evening in the same room as Jon and his wife was something akin to torture. Not that he was all that attentive as a husband...quite the opposite in fact, but Dots proprietary demeanour was beginning to annoy her. And she had no right to be annoyed...so then she got annoyed with herself for being annoyed... and then annoyed that Jon had put her in a position where she should be annoyed with herself for being annoyed. It was all one vicious annoying circle. If she could just get these photos done and spend a little time on some candids afterwards she would be able to execute her escape. For now though the comfort of Ricks embrace was one hell of a substitute.

Alex found the strength to pull away from him finally and gave a gentle push against his chest. "I've missed you too baby. But this isn't the time...I have to work."

He groaned but stepped back. "I know...but we have so little time. And it's been so long."

It was almost Christmas and the last time they had seen each other had been in August. They had met in London, where they had had an all too brief week together. Of course, Jon had been ropable, but Alex had very firmly reminded herself he had no right, just as he had no right to be starring daggers at Rick's back now. As she looked up and caught his eye he started across the room towards them.

"Oh Hell." She muttered.

"What?" Rick asked.

"Bongiovi's on his way over here." She sighed.

"And that's a problem?" he asked. "I thought you two were friends."

"Sometimes." It was a relationship she wasn't sure they couldn't claim.

"If he's done something to upset you babe..." Rick trailed off.

"No, no, no...it's nothing like that. Sometimes I just find him a little...Hey Jon." She said as if greeting him for the first time that evening. "It's been a while. You remember my husband Rick."

"How could I forget?" The last time I saw you, you were stealing my woman, you son of a bitch. "Good to see ya again, man." Jon said slapping Rick on the shoulder perhaps a little than required. "How's the Middle East treating you?"

"Good...besides keeping me away from my honey here." He moved to stand behind Alex and circle his arms around her. "Every minute away from her is its own tiny torture." He said and kissed her temple.

"I know what you mean." Jon gave Alex a pointed look while Rick's attention was diverted.

"Yeah I guess you do huh? You spend a lot of time away from Dot touring I guess."

"It's not easy being apart from the woman you love." Jon answered obliquely, looking directly at Alex a tight smile plastered to his face.

"Actually I saw Dot a little earlier...congratulations man, when is she due?" Rick asked, seemingly oblivious to Jon's pointed look at Alex.

"February," Dot said coming up beside Jon, "And thank you Rick. We couldn't be happier...could we honey?"

Jon turned up the corners of his mouth in a pitiful attempt at a smile.

"How are you Rick, Alex? Long time, no see, it must be a year now. What have you been doing with yourselves?" Dot asked.

"I've been working in the Middle East actually..." Rick began.

Jon interrupted, "Would you mind terribly if I borrowed Alex for a few minutes? I have some business propositions to discuss with her."

"Jon," Dot chastised, "This isn't the time to discuss work. Just because you're a workaholic it doesn't mean everyone else is. I'm sure Alex would rather relax and enjoy her evening."

For some insane reason Alex found herself coming to Jon's defence. "Actually I am on the clock Dot. And unfortunately Rick can attest to the fact that I am just as much a workaholic as your husband. But you are right about one thing, this isn't the time for this particular discussion. Sorry Jon," she added turning towards him, "but the happy couple are just about to cut the cake." She indicated to the centre of the room where an elaborate cake stood atop a round table draped in silk and fine lace.

Alex leaned up to lay a gentle kiss on Rick's lips. "Back to work I guess. It was good to see you both again. Jon, please feel free to call my office if you still want to discuss that proposition. I rather not mix business with pleasure."

"Oh, you can count on that." He smiled at her back as she made her way over to the bride and groom.

 

The cake was cut, the first dance had been had. Alex stood off to the side clicked off shot after shot of the guests as they twirled across the dance floor. A light tap on her shoulder had her lowering her camera.

"Dance with me?" Richie stood before her hand extended.

"Richie I'm working here."

"Now Darlin'," he grinned at her, "you can't turn down the groom. Besides you have done more than enough today. It's time for you to lay down those cameras and relax. Now put that down on the table here," he patted the table in front of an impeccably coiffed older woman, "Mom will watch it for you and come dance with me, damn it."

"How can I refuse an offer like that?" Alex placed the camera on the table in front of Mrs. Sambora and took Richie's hand.

They had been on the dance floor barely a minute when he asked, "Alex, do you know what's going on with Jon lately?"

"No idea. What makes you think I would?" At the start of their affair, Jon and Alex had determined that even their closest friends were to remain oblivious to their relationship. The more people that knew the more dangerous it would become for both of them. She hoped Jon had remained discrete.

"Jon has always said how close the two of you are?"

"And just how close is that?" She asked eying him speculatively. It took everything she had to stop the panic she was feeling from seeping into her voice.

Richie caught the tremor in her voice, "Don't worry darlin'...he didn't say anything about that. I know you two had somethin' pretty special...but that was a long time ago. You have Rick now and he has a family...not that that means much in his case I guess," he whispered. Alex frowned. What the hell did that mean? "It's just that I know you still hold a special place in his heart and I know he talks to you. I was hoping you could shed some light on why he's been acting like a bear with a sore tooth of late."

"Sorry Rich, really have no idea...maybe it's just the pressure of the new album release?" she suggested.

"Nope...it's more than that. I know this whole thing with the baby has thrown him for a loop. He really didn't want another kid with things the way they are with him and Dot. I assume I'm not betraying any confidences here?" he paused. Alex shook her head. "But I really think there is more to it than that. Will you keep an eye on him Alex? Can you do that for me? I'll be out LA a bit now...at least til the tour kicks off and I'm worried about him."

"I'll do the best I can," She smiled up at him gently. "Now, I really think that your wife would like some of your attention," she said and turned him to where Heather was watching from the side of the dance floor with interest. "I don't want to be the cause of your wife's displeasure on your wedding day."

"Nah," he chuckled, "Heather's cool. She knows I only have eyes for her. Besides..." he added in an aside, "I told her what I was up to." He bent down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "It's been good catching up with you Alex. It's been too long. Don't be such a stranger next time huh?"

"It's been good to see you too. And you'll be seeing me soon enough. I have to get all these photos in to albums for you. They should be done by the time you get back home. Call me then. I had better get back to it." Alex said, indicating her camera.

"Oh no you don't. I told you," he said firmly, "you're work here is done. Put your gear away and enjoy yourself. I saw Rick earlier and I know he's been out of town. Spend your evening with him. You've already done far more than we asked for."

"If you're sure..." Alex smiled.

"I am....now go." It was the final word.

Alex retrieved her camera from Mrs. Sambora and gathered the rest of her gear together. She found Rick having a drink at the bar, he was having such a good time regaling a few guests with tales of action and danger that he decided to stay put while she went to drop her gear off in their room.

The elevator door dinged on her floor and she stepped out into the empty corridor. She let herself into her room and stepped into the bathroom to freshen up before rejoining the party. It had been a long day, and backed up on the heals of the flight over, she was absolutely exhausted. She perched precariously on the edge of the bath to gather her thoughts for a few minutes.

It was always hard for her to see Jon with Dot, regardless of how distant they seemed. Dot would always have something she wouldn't....the right to love him.

Wearily Alex rose. She would go downstairs, retrieve her husband, take him to bed and spend the rest of the night in the warmth of his arms. She gathered up her purse and inspected its contents to ensure she had her room key. Reassured of its presence, she swung the door wide and walked straight into Jon.

Chapter 53

"When am I going to see you again?" Jon whined into the phone.

"You tell me," Alex replied coldly. It had been almost a month since she had seen him last. She had spent the better part of the last few months pandering to his schedule and it was most certainly taking a toll on her.

"Awe baby..." he soothed, "don't be like that."

"Don't be like what Jon?"

"You know I've been busy...what with recording the album and getting ready for the tour. I just want to see you as much as I can." Jon was laying back on a very comfortable king size bed in a very plush suite in Los Angeles. He was in town for a few days to do the Leno Show and some other promotional gigs. He had hoped Alex would fly out so they could steal a couple of days together, but she had stubbornly insisted that she had work to do. "Are you sure you can't come out here?" he pleaded.

"Sure Jon...no problem. I'll just turn down a million dollar commission so my lover is sexually satisfied. I'll be on the next plane honey....you just keep your dick warm till I get there." She retorted.

"OK Ali...there is no need to be sarcastic."

"Apparently there is Jon. For the last few months I have been at your beck and call. Much to the detriment of my business I might add. When exactly is it gonna be your turn to sacrifice? Can you tell me that Jon? If I'm so God damn important to you, why aren't you here with me?" She fumed.

"I'll be home next month, and then I'll be settled for the next few," he said hoping to calm her down. It was so not how he had imagined this conversation going. He had hoped that with a little cajoling he would be able to get her to acquiesce and fly out to be with him. He had even sent the jet back just in case. It would be sitting at the airport now, prepped and ready to go.

"Yes, with your pregnant wife." Alex hated that she sounded so jealous.

"You know that wasn't my idea."

"Takes two Jonny," was all she said. She was sitting at the window seat in her bedroom in the Jersey house, staring blankly across the river. It was a crystal clear winter evening. Distorted by the icicles that had formed in the corners of the windows, the distant lights from the opposite bank of the river looked like little stars, giving the scene a surreal fairytale quality.

There was a long pause over the line. Then he said, "What are you wearing?"

Alex couldn't help but laugh at the abrupt change in topic. "You're incorrigible."

"I know." She could hear his smile all the way down the phone line, and almost...almost wished she had given in a joined him. She could have been laying in his arms this very moment in nice warm California hotel room...but NOOOO. Instead she was sitting home...alone...again...in frosty New Jersey.

"Well let me see...,"she said looking down at her slim figure. It was midnight and she was ready for bed. The house was heated so it wasn't like she had to dress for the cold, so she was wearing her usual sleeping attire...nothing. The only light in her bedroom came from the soft glow of embers in the fireplace, and the moonlight streaming in her window. "I have on those purple sweats you love so much," she paused to listen to him groan, "the Boston Celtics Jersey...oh and those lovely blue bed socks Mum sent me."

"You are so lying," he chuckled. "You're naked...aren't you?"

"Ask a stupid question Jon..." A tingle ran up her spine as his low growl vibrated the receiver on her ear.

"Where are you?"

"Just climbing into bed now." He heard the rustle of fabric as she settled herself beneath the duvet.

"I wish I was there with you..." he said. He could picture the scene exactly. He had only been to her home the one time. It had freaked her out having him there, even though there was no chance they would get caught out with Rick overseas. Usually their trysts were conducted in her apartment or a hotel in the city.

Alex let out a deep sigh, "I wish you were here too, baby," she said then paused, "well not here...but with me. We can't be together here anymore Jon...it's not right. I know it's dumb but I even feel a little guilty just talking to you from this bed remembering what we did in here."

"I'm sorry baby," he whispered sincerely, "I honestly never intended for things to go that far."

It had been the last time they had seen each other. They had spent a glorious afternoon together in the city but when it came time to drop her home he had not been able to leave her. He had coerced an invitation out of her despite her better judgement, then once inside had insisted on a tour. He had taken her in her bedroom with an urgency and desperation he had rarely known before. It was a raw primitive urge to mark her as his and to defile the sanctity of her marriage bed. He hadn't been thinking at the time of the ramifications it would have for Alex, but he had certainly considered them since.

"I know...me either...it's just...when you touch me Jon, I just can't seem to help myself. You're like a force of nature."

He chuckled softly at that and her heart clenched. "I hope this isn't just about sex for you Ali." He said a little more soberly, "because you know you mean so much more than that to me."

"So you keep saying...but it doesn't always feel that way." She answered quietly.

"What are you talking about?" he asked indignantly.

"When I'm with you, it's wonderful...perfect. I feel cherished and loved and adored, but Jon, it seems the second we're apart it's almost like...oh I don't know... out of sight out of mind, I guess. I'm so far down on your list of priorities at the moment I'm not sure I figure in there at all. And yet when you call I come running. I guess I'm just sick of being the one to make all the sacrifices."

And there they were back at square one.

"Ali, I promise you that will all change very soon...I have a few plans in the works as we speak. But baby....in the meantime....please don't doubt my love for you. You are always in my thoughts...you're the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing on my mind at night. I love you with all my heart."

Alex sighed contentedly. It had been a long day and she was exhausted. "Love you too," she murmured.

"Don't you dare fall asleep on me Alex."

"Can't... help... it." She whispered slowly, a soft purr emphasising her words.

"Damn it Alex. I was hoping I could convince you to come out here. I need you so bad right now baby."

"How bad?"

"You have no idea," he growled. The sexy rumble in her ear roused her a little.

"So why don't you 'splain it to me," she said lazily.

"I need to feel your skin on mine, our bodies pressed so tightly together that I don't know where you stop and I begin."

"Mmmmmmm," she moaned.

"Jesus Ali, you have no idea what that sound does to me. You have me wound up like a fucking spring. I'm so hard it hurts."

"So fix it," she said. Alex had never been one to beat around the bush.

"It's not the same."

"Not the same as what baby... my hand stroking you..."

"Yes." He whispered huskily.

"My mouth sucking you?" She teased.

"Fuck yes," he growled.

"Stroke yourself for me Jon. Imagine it's my hand wrapped around you, moving slowly...up and down, up and down, rubbing my thumb lightly across the tip. I wish I was there so I could lick off that drop of pre-cum I know is waiting for me."

Another growl, this time incoherent.

The noises Alex was hearing through the receiver sparked her own desire and she found herself slipping her finger into the slit between her thighs. She was already wet with desire and wanting.

"I want to kiss and lick and suck every inch of you baby," she said breathily.

"Touch yourself for me Ali. I want to hear you come."

"I already am."

"Oh God!" he breathed, "Tell me..."

Alex drew her lower lip between her teeth and arched her spine. His voice was so rugged and raw, the very sound of it was almost more than she could bear.

"I'm sucking on my left forefinger." He heard the slight pop as she extracted it from her mouth. Now I'm using it to circle my nipple, wishing it was your tongue."

She heard him shudder. "It feels sooo good baby...but I wish it was you. Now I'm kneading my breast with my hand."

"Pinch your nipple..." he said and paused, "ahhh Ali?"

"Yes baby?"

"Where is your other hand?"

"Fingering my pussy Jon," she said matter-of-factly in a tone that clearly added "well duh!"

Jon's cock surged violently beneath the covers, as if it had a mind of its own. He had resisted taking himself in hand until now, but found he couldn't any longer. He reached down and grabbed it none too gently and gasped loudly. He threw off the covers and watched his hand move up and down his length wishing it was her touch.

"Fuck Ali, I need you here so bad right now."

She smiled with satisfaction and purred. "Close your eyes Jon...I am there. I'm laying right next to you. I have my hand wrapped around your beautiful cock and I'm stroking...slowly. All the way up and all the way down."

"I want to taste you baby," he rumbled, "I want to lick you up and down and suck on your clit til you scream."

"Yes...oh yes..." She panted. "I want your dick in me, filling me. My fingers are there now."

Jon imagined her laying on her bed, her dark auburn curls forming a halo around her head, her hand working frantically at the apex of her thighs to bring her to that sweet completion he had so often enjoyed with her.

"Oh hell baby...I'm gonna come," he grunted.

"Wait... for... me...almost... there..." she spoke in ragged gasps. Her small moans and whimpers were driving him insane.

Jon was teetering on the edge. He clamped down on the base of his cock, circling it with his thumb and forefinger delaying the inevitable. And then he heard what he was waiting for...

"Oooh....Oh Fuck, yes...yes." And then he was coming right along with her, screaming her name as hot streams coated his stomach and chest.

There was only panting on both ends of the line as they came back down from bliss. Jon broke the silence first. "Christ Ali...that was amazing. I haven't come like that since I was a kid."

"Well then," she said in an amused voice, "I guess that means I don't have to bother seeing you at all anymore. I can just call and that will do the trick."

"Alone!" Jon exclaimed exasperated. "I haven't come like that alone since I was a kid. Besides...I want you with me for so much more than sex. It's not the same without you around baby, without your smile to wake me in the morning. Or that special brand of Aussie bluntness I have come to adore...most of the time," he added a little more quietly.

"I know what you meant. I was just teasing. But for the record...it's not the same for me either. I miss you Jon. When can you get back here?" She tried her best not to sound whiney.

"I'm back home for the gig at MSG in two weeks, then I have a pretty full on week leading up to the Count Bassie gig on the fourteenth. I guess if I don't see you there the next chance will be Richie's wedding. You are still shooting that aren't you?"

"Yes." She said reluctantly. "You realise you owe me big for this don't you. That is so not what I am about professionally."

"Yeah... I know," she could hear his smile, "but you love me."

"Indeed I do." She replied. "Listen I'm heading out of town in the morning. I need to get some sleep. Can I call you tomorrow night?"

"You can try...but Dot is flying in to do some shopping with Heather before the big day."

A pang of jealousy gripped Alex hard. "Well I guess I won't bother then." She said a little more abruptly that she intended.

"Ali..." Jon started.

She interrupted before he could chastise her. "Yes...I know...she's your wife. You don't have to say it. I'll talk to you when I talk to you I guess. Or I'll see you in Paris."

"You will see me before then baby...I don't think I can stand another month of this. I will find a way."

Don't make promises you can't keep, she thought bitterly. "Goodnight Jon."

"Love you baby," he said, but she had already hung up.

Chapter 52

Alex woke slowly and stretched luxuriously. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt so content. She knew it was wrong…but she couldn't help it. She was with the man she loved. He loved her and that was all that mattered…the rest was just details. Sure they were details like a husband and wife, and children, and careers…but they were just details none the less. In her present state of bliss…nothing was going to bring her down.

She stretched her hand out seeking Jon's warm flesh…but found his side of the bed was empty. Well maybe one thing could bring her down. Her eyes flew open and she looked around the room in alarm. He was nowhere to be seen. Panic clawed at her chest…he had done it again…he had left her… again. The back of her eyes began to sting; her lower lip began to tremble. She threw herself face down into her pillow and was just about to howl out her agony when…

"Ready for your bath, beautiful?" It was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard. She immediately turned to his voice.

In two strides Jon was beside the bed. "What's wrong, Ali? You've been crying."

"I…I thought…I thought you were gone," she sniffed.

"Oh baby…I could never leave you."

"But you will," Alex insisted.

"Shhh," he cooed, "let's not worry about that now." He pulled her to him and silenced her with a kiss.

Alex couldn't remember that she had a train of thought, let alone what that train of thought was. Jon scooped her up into his arms and carried her into the bathroom.

It was surreal. Jon had lit candles…dozens of them and they were perched on every available surface in the room, giving it a warm glow. The large tub was overflowing with clouds of white foam that was sprinkled with rose petals…pink rose petals. Beside the tub was a silver ice bucket on a stand containing a bottle of chilled champagne and two crystal flutes, each adorned with a strawberry.

"Oh my God," she whispered, "How did you…?"

"This hotel has a great concierge," he offered in explanation. "Now…shhh."

He lowered her into the steaming water, slowly…allowing her time to become accustomed to the change in temperature. He poured two glasses of champagne, handed her one and placed the other down on an available section of marble and slid the sweats he was wearing from his waist, before carefully slipping into the bath behind her. It was reminiscent of an earlier time, she relaxed back into his body just as she had back then. She felt his arms encircle her, and his lips on the top of her head, and released a deep sigh.

"I love you baby," he said against her ear, his warm breath tickling her flesh.

He ran his hands up the length of her arms and bought them to rest on her shoulders, where he began to tenderly knead out the tension there. Alex took a deep draw from the glass in her hand and placed it next to Jon's. Her eyes drifted closed and her head lolled back and forth across his chest, as his skillful hands made short work of the knots. Every now and then a soft purr would erupt from her chest…just like a kitten showing its contentment.

Alex's hands found Jon's thighs beneath the water and slowly began to stroke their length, nails scoring his flesh gently with each up stroke. He immediately began to harden beneath her, his proud length pressing persistently into her lower back. She arched her hips slightly and began to undulate gently against him, each sharp breath and sensual noise she made only serving to drive him further into maddening desire.

Jon dropped his hand from her shoulders and immediately found her breasts. Their stiff peaks stabbed at his palms as he rubbed over them, before taking the protruding pink nipples between his thumb and forefinger and rolling them mercilessly. She groaned, arched. One hand came up to thread into the hair at the nape of his neck, drawing his mouth down to the long line of her exposed throat. The other slipped into the space her arching spine had created between their bodies and enclosed around his length, her thumb rubbing absently across the tip.

"Oh Fuck…." He breathed as her hand slid effortlessly up and down his length.

"Your wish is my command," she said. And with that she raised herself above him and slid him into her silky depths.

Jon was so stunned by the suddenness of the action that he grasped onto her breasts. She yelped, but it only seemed to spur her on. Alex began to rock up and down the length of his cock. Water sloshed around them.

She turned her head and planted a kiss full on his mouth. "Fuck me baby." She urged against his lips.

It bought Jon somewhat back to his senses. He realized that he had been sitting there still, in a state of shock, though why he had no idea. He traced one finger around and over a nipple, flicking gently, tickling and teasing. She grabbed his hand and sucked a finger deep into her mouth, swirling her tongue around it, flicking at it, massaging it with deft skill, all the while reminding him that it could just as easily be his cock. She had, after all already done all that and more. She seized his other hand and guided it to the apex of her thighs. But instead of letting him take charge, she did. She maneuvered so that his hand lay on top of hers, and then she began to pleasure herself. All the time his fingers shadowed hers, teasing, circling, probing, rubbing.

Holy hell, his body was on fire, his brain a melting pot of lust and desire, and his cock….fuck, his cock had never been so hard, his balls so full. He felt invincible. He felt like he could last all night. And with that thought, she reached beneath them and took his balls in her hand and he was instantly on the edge. Every nerve in his body was alive and screaming for release.

"Ali," he managed to grind out as he pulled at her hand, "stop…I don't...not yet..." It was hard to form a coherent thought let alone a coherent sentence.

Ali obliged and instead guided his hand back to her pussy. This time she let him play.

She bit down on her lip as his finger slid into her slit. It felt warm against her skin in contrast to the cooling bath water. He rubbed up and down her length several times, exploring every fold of flesh. He flicked at her clit several times, teasingly...only to move away from where she wanted his touch most. She bucked against his hand in frustration and he chuckled evilly.

And then he was working her clit in earnest as he thrust into her without restraint. Water spilled over the edge if the bath and coated the floor, it doused the nearby candles, dimming the room with each violent thrust. Alex had one hand over his at her pussy, holding him in place. The other gripped at the powerful muscles of his thigh.

"Harder," she urged, "more Jon...pleeeaseee...."

"Oh fuck, Ali....." he grunted. He grabbed her around the waist and lifted her off him, standing in the process.

"What...Jon...noooo," she cried in protest, as he stepped out of the tub.

He grabbed several towels from the rack and threw them on to the floor, scattering them like a white fluffy nest, then pulled her from the tub and laid her on top of them. Mere seconds had passed before he was pumping into her for all he was worth on the bathroom floor.

She had welcomed him back with a satisfied moan and now her legs were wrapped around his waist, her back arched with desire. He was biting his lip so hard in the effort to retain control that he tasted blood. His need was raw...primal. Never before had he felt so unbelievably out of control.

Beneath him, Alex moaned and groaned and screamed her pleasure. Long nails scored the flesh of his back as her hands grappled to gain purchase on his wet skin. Their bodies slipped and slid against each other, increasing the friction. He curled his hands up over her shoulders, bracing her for each thrust. And then she was convulsing around him. Her head thrashed from side to side as she babbled incomprehensively and screamed his name. Jon followed her into oblivion, spilling his seed deep within her.

The pair lay silent for a long time, catching their breath and simply revelling in the feel of each other's bodies. When he could finally lift his head Jon covered her face with tender kisses. "You are so amazing baby..." he said quietly "I've never had this with anyone. No one can do to me what you do with just a kiss."

"Umm Jon...there was a little more than a simple kiss going on there," Alex giggled.

"Well yeah...but you know what I mean?" It was a question, not a statement.

"I do."

Jon got up and turned on the shower. Keeping his attention focused there as he asked nervously, "Do you...do you have this with him?"

"Jon!"

"Please Ali...I need to know."

Alex drew her knees up to her chest, so she was a little less vulnerable. "Jon I'd really rather..."

"Please..." he interrupted.

"If you're asking if it's good...the answer is yes. He is a very attentive lover." She purposely didn't say Rick's name but watched as Jon visibly winced regardless. "If you're asking if he and I have the connection that you and I do?....I don't know how to answer that Jon....What is it that we have?"

"I love you Ali...you love me..."

"I do yes...I've admitted as much, regardless of how much I have tried to deny it even to myself these past few years."

"Well you don't have to deny it anymore...at least not to me. I know you feel it too Ali...I know you feel that we are destined to be together...just like I do." He stepped closer to her and held out a hand. He drew her up from the floor and encircled her in his arms. "What you have with him really doesn't matter...just like what happens with Dot doesn't matter. At the end of all this Ali...and you can trust me on this...at the end of all this...it's gonna be you and me against the world."

"Oh Jon," she sighed, and laid her head against his chest, "I'd really love to believe that."

"Well believe it. Trust me baby...one day...I'm gonna make all your dreams come true." He kissed the top of her forehead and gave her ass a light tap, instantly lightening the mood. "Now," he added, "I don't know about you...but I am absolutely ravenous. I'm going to order up some food. You jump into that shower and clean up, 'cause I'm pretty sure that as soon as I've been fed I'm gonna want to dirty you all over again."

Just over an hour later Alex was sprawled on her back in the middle of the bed, the duvet pulled all the way up to her neck. Jon was cuddled to her side. They had devoured three huge burgers and a massive serving of fries between them. Had chased those with a shared Chocolate Fudge Brownie Sundae and washed it all down with two giant glasses of Soda. She sighed contentedly and her eyes fluttered closed. Jon's hand found her breast and kneaded gently.

"Aren't you worn out yet?" she asked sleepily. Now that she had been fed the only thing on her mind was a nice afternoon nap.

"With you here...? Never?"

"Well I am." Alex insisted, snuggling deeper into the plush bed.

"That's fine baby..." he whispered. "You sleep...I'll take care of everything." He pressed a soft kiss to her lips and then he was moving beneath the covers.

Alex's eyes flew open when she felt his tongue flitter over her clit. She lifted the duvet and looked down her body at him.

"Wha...." was all she managed to get out, as he parted her thighs and his tongue penetrated her.

"I thought you were falling asleep?" he muttered against her flesh, the vibration of his words the sweetest sensation. Then he raised his head and flashed an evil grin, wiggling his eyebrows in emphasis.

"Not anymore," she said and pushed his head back between her legs.

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Chapter 51

Jon continued to kiss Alex until they were both breathless with desire. While one hand remained entwined in hers, his other roamed her silky skin, working its way beneath the flimsy pajama top to a soft warm mound of flesh. Her erect nipple dug into the palm of his hand as he kneaded one of the more obvious traits of her womanhood, causing her to gasp.

She reveled in the touch of his hand. She knew what they were doing was wrong, but here…now… she didn't want to be right. She would quite gladly take her punishment and burn in hell, as long as he was by her side. Every touch, every caress was exquisite torture. Her whole body ached for him as it did for no other.

Jon began to move lower, worshiping her body, her womanhood. He kissed and licked his way down her graceful neck, pausing to nuzzle at her delicate clavicle. He moved his hand from her breast, trailing feather-light fingers over her ribcage, to her tiny waist. His thumb traced lazy circles around her belly button, before a finger dipped inside sending a jolt to her core. He ran his hands back up her ribs, catching her shirt as he went, pushing upwards until she had to raise her head so that he could slip it up over her arms and off her. Her mouth reached for his and engaged him in another mind numbing kiss.

Jon broke the kiss to move to her ear where he traced along the rim with the tip of his tongue before whispering, "you are so beautiful Ali…so perfect."

His breath was warm and moist in her ear. Gooseflesh rose all over her body, and he chuckled sexily at the involuntary shiver her body gave. Every reaction was involuntary with him. When he was this close she was unable to think coherently, let alone move decisively.

He couldn't get enough of her, he couldn't get close enough, never close enough. He swung a leg over her body so that he was straddling her, a knee either side of her hips, a hand either side of her head. He kissed her softly on the lips, trailing kisses over her chin and down. He ran a rough calloused hand down the smooth flesh between her breasts, and followed it with the softness that was his mouth. His now shoulder length hair trailed over her breasts as he moved, causing her nipples to pucker achingly.

Sliding even lower, Jon once again came to her tiny waist and the luscious curves of her hips – wide set and perfect for childbearing that would never again know that privilege. His thumbs traced up and down the lines of her pelvis that were exposed above her sleep shorts, as his tongue soothed her scar.

"I need to see you baby…I need to see all of you," he said against her skin.

Scooting backwards on the bed, he hooked his fingers in the top of her shorts and dragged them down her body, never once losing contact with her skin. His hands ran over the firm rounded cheeks of her ass, his fingertips dipping close to her center as they trailed down the back of her thighs, eliciting a small moan, almost a purr, from her chest. He followed the shapely curve of her calves all the way down to her ankle, then ever so gently, with a hand beneath her bottom, prompted her to roll onto her stomach. He then started the process all over again, kissing, caressing savoring every inch of her he could access until she was writhing beneath him.

"Please Jon…"she whimpered. Alex felt as though every cell in her body was electrically charged. Every nerve ending was heightened, waiting for his next touch.

"Shhhh…" he soothed.

He kissed each vertebrae in turn as he followed her spine down…down… Grabbing two pillows from the bed, he propped up her waist, granting him better access to his next target. Kneading her cheeks with firm hands he used his thumbs to part them and reveal his prize. He ran his tongue down the valley of her buttocks, pausing to flick over her sensitive puckered hole only briefly before travelling even lower. The musky scent of her sex intoxicated him, his tongue stretched out to lap at her clit as his nose nuzzled into her silky depths. Alex's breath hitched and almost immediately she began to contract around him.

He pulled back, "Hush baby…not yet" he murmured.

From the very first second he had touched her Alex had been in an impending state of orgasm. She fought back the urge with all her will, she didn't want it like this either. She wanted to see him when she came…to look into his eyes and see the love there. For the second time he prompted her to rollover – she did so gladly.

It never failed to amaze Jon just how responsive she was to him. Her body was made for his touch. He discarded the pillows and tenderly parted her thighs, then sat back on his haunches to admire her. What an erotically wonton picture she made laying there waiting for him to please her. She watched him through hooded eyes. Her lips were swollen and pink, no longer from sleep but from his kisses. Her cheeks held a rosy glow, and her pale skin was a stark contrast to the masses of soft curls that spread out around her, framing her face. One hand lay above her head, the other traced unconscious patterns across one heaving breast. He took a mental picture of the image before him, knowing it was a sight he would never forget as long as he lived.

As Jon admired her, Alex likewise admired him -his square jaw, tight with the effort of control, his eyes, usually crystal blue, now dark and stormy with lust. The single bead of perspiration that dripped from the nape of his neck and rolled down his muscular chest, only to get lost in the abundance of black fur that narrowed as it descended to his rippling abs and lower, between the delicious indentations that were his hips as they disappeared into his low riding sweats.

Alex reached a hand out towards him. Unable to deny her anything he entwined his fingers with hers and led them to her pussy. He traced the line of her slit with his thumb, while their joined hands hovered above. At the top of her lips, he allowed his thumb to delve inside, to press down on her erect nub, and watched as her sweet juices flowed for him.

"Is that for me baby?" he asked, his voice a husky growl, "are you wet for me?"

Drawing her bottom lip through her teeth, Alex nodded her assent.

Jon lowered his mouth to her. There was no teasing this time. He needed to taste her fully, his tongue immediately replaced his thumb on het clit…flicking, licking, sucking.

"Mmmm…taste so good." His stubble tickled her lips as he spoke against them.

Within seconds Alex was mumbling incoherently and when Jon slid two fingers inside her, and touched that sweet spot that only he had ever found, her body convulsed.

"Fuck me….yes…yes Jon yes, yes..." she screamed.

"Oh baby… I intend to." He growled as he rid himself of his sweats and sat back on his haunches again.

His cock was purple and straining, his immense need and incredible self control fully evident. Alex sat up and scraped her nails up his ribcage. It was her turn to chuckle at his involuntary shiver. She leaned up and kissed him soundly, and while he was preoccupied with that, took him in her hand. Pre-cum oozed from his tip and she spread it with her thumb, pumping him slowly. She kissed the corner of his mouth, his chin, his jaw…she nuzzled into his neck and nipped at his adams apple before kissing a trail down over his chest and beyond.

Jon was lost in sensation, her hand on his cock, her lips all over his torso, her hair on his thighs. She was more than halfway do her destination when he realized where she was headed.

"Oh no baby," he chided, taking her gently by the arms and pulling her up, "today is all about you Ali…only you."

"I need you...Jon. I need you inside me…I need you now," she pleaded.

"Ughh," he groaned, "...fuck Ali...How could I ever say no to you?" He moved to sit cross legged before her. "Come here." He held his arms wide and she climbed into them, wrapping her legs around his waist, her ass cradling into the hollow of his folded legs, until they were face to face, no space between them, the thick hair on his chest grazing her pert nipples.

Jon's arms wrapped around her at the waist, one hand slid slowly up her spine until it came to the nape of her neck. He grabbed a fistful of hair and tugged gently so as to gain better access to her neck. He dipped his tongue in the hollow at the base of it then followed the line of her throat up to her chin and beyond to trace the seam of her lips. With tender prodding they granted him access to the pleasures beyond. He tasted her fully, languorously, until her taste infiltrated all of his senses, until she was everything, until they were one.

As the kiss deepened, Alex opened her eyes to look at him. The pain was gone from his face now, only pleasure remained. He looked like the carefree man that had dazzled her that first night when she was just sixteen...really only a few short years, yet a lifetime ago. He must have sensed she was watching him, because his eyes fluttered open. Had she not felt the same, the intensity she saw there would have scared her – the raw lust, the overwhelming desire, the unconcealed, unrivalled love.

Alex ran her hands down the length of his arms, over rippling biceps until she came to his hands, where she entwined her fingers with his, his large competent hands dwarfing hers. It seemed like an eternity that they sat like this, kissing tenderly, simply enjoying each other. And then she started to move, undulating against him. His rock hard cock protruded proudly from his torso, the tip placing pressure on her sensitised clit, causing tiny wave after tiny wave of pleasure for both of them, his response a groan rumbling deep in his chest, hers a soft mewing.

He brought her hands to his lips, kissing both of them in turn, then gently placed her arms around his neck.

"Ali," he whispered, tenderly tilting her chin up with thumb, his lips so close to hers that his breath felt like an intimate caress. "Are...you sure baby?"

She nodded quickly, so filled with desire that she didn't trust herself to speak.

"I need you so bad...I need you more than anything...more than the air I breathe...I can't live without you...I've tried but I can't do it," he muttered.

With trembling fingers, he caressed her cheekbones, his eyes the color of a stormy ocean, never leaving hers as his hands slowly traced down her throat, down the outer curve of her breasts, and down her torso. His thumbs rested against her lower ribs while his hands encircled her tiny waist.

His breathing was hot and heavy as he watched her, watched as she bit her shaking lower lip, the intensity of the moment not lost on either of them. "You are so very beautiful," he said softly. "The most beautiful woman I have ever known…"

Slowly his fingers trailed down her spine and outwards, his palms gliding over her hipbones. Ever so gently, he parted her bottom, curving around her soft flesh, lifting her just the few inches needed until she was positioned precisely where he wanted her.

He lowered his forehead to hers, his eyes never leaving hers as he lowered her, his breath coming in heaving gasps until she was fully seated on him.

She watched his face, fascinated by the play of emotions she saw there. And then she read his lips, his voice silent as he mouthed, "I love you."

Crushing her to him, he kissed her passionately as he moved inside her. Alex swung her legs around and raised herself onto her knees to gain leverage, but no matter what she did she couldn't get him deep enough inside her. With a gentle push on his shoulders she encouraged him to lie back on the bed so she could ride him. Her hands drifted down over his chest and rested on his abdomen as he stretched his legs out behind her.

Deliberately she began to move, rising and lowering herself on his swollen cock, withdrawing until only the tip remained inside on each up stroke, contracting her pussy around it and feeling it fill her completely with each down stroke. She lifted her face towards the ceiling, causing her silky curls to tickle his thighs. He watched the ecstasy on her face as her eyes fluttered closed, watched as she bit down on her lower lip in an effort to retain control, as she took deep measured breaths to assist in that same effort.

Alex reached around behind her and took his balls in her hand, grinning wickedly when his breath hitched and his back arched up off the bed momentarily. He watched intently with smouldering eyes as her other hand came up to caress her breast momentarily before her middle finger followed an imaginary line down the centre of her torso and slipped between the silky wet lips of her pussy. The image before him was one of the most erotic he had ever witnessed, seeing her stimulate her clit as he watched his length slide in and out of her warm moist depths.

He was close to the edge, but she was closer. He diverted his attention from her pussy to her face as her breath came in raspy shallow pants. "That's it Ali...let me see you come for me. You look so beautiful when you come baby. Let me hear you scream...come hard for me baby."

Again Alex leaned down over him, her hands braced against his chest. She no longer pumped him but instead ground and against him. He lifted the hand she had used to stimulate herself and one by one sucked each finger into his mouth to taste her, it seemed he could never get enough.

"Ohh..ooh God Jon..." she panted as she began to grind into him in earnest, his hips meeting her thrust for thrust.

He reached between them, it only took a moment. The second his thumb touched her clit, her body began to shudder powerfully and a guttural scream escaped her as she toppled into oblivion, orgasming so powerfully that every nerve, every feeling seemed to center in her core, until she could no longer hold herself up and collapsed on top of him breathless.

Jon gave her only a moment to recover. He drew her lips to his, kissed her soundly, then uttered against them, "My turn." With a grin twice as wicked as hers he snagged her hands in his and in a fluid motion, rolled them so that he was on top of her.

"My pleasure," she grinned back at him.

"uh uh...our pleasure," he murmured against her ear, his warm breath already coming in pants, his tongue moist as it traced a bead of sweat that trailed from her temple. And with that he began to move, his weight balanced on one elbow, the hand of that arm wrapped around the back and over her shoulder, bracing her against his thrusts as the other hand ran down her leg and hoisted it over his hip.

Alex lifted her other leg of her own accord and wrapped them securely around his waist, locking them at the ankle. With every thrust, she felt him deep within her. Still aroused, it wasn't long before once again her walls began to pulse around him.

"Jon...I'm gonna...."

"It's ok baby...I know. I'm with you honey...let go." Jon replied as he felt his balls tighten and his toes curl.

Alex stared deep into his eyes as her walls contracted hard around him and Jon spilt his seed deep within her, his release signalled with a load groan that she muffled with a fiery soulful kiss before he collapsed exhausted on top of her.

They lay like that, still joined and silent for a long time. Jon made to move away from her but she clutched him tightly to her. He adjusted their position so they were laying side by side, still intimately joined.

Minutes later thinking he was asleep, when his breathing began to slow and even out and she felt him slip from her body, she kissed each of his closed eyelids and whispered against his forehead, "I love you too Jon...It's always been you. It always will be."

She did not see the huge grin on his face, she too was well on her way to a peaceful slumber.

Chapter 50

Jon woke the next morning dazed and confused. He knew something wasn't right with the situation he was in the moment consciousness dawned. He could feel a warm body pressed up against his back, her warm body. That much he knew. He also recognized the fact that she shouldn't be there.

His memory of the evening before was hazy at best. It had been so long since he had slept, he was amazed he had any recollection at all. He remembered ringing her. He remembered knowing that he shouldn't. He remembered her insistence that he come to her, and his arrival…but little beyond that. It seemed that her mere presence had been enough to relax him, to lull him into a state of unconsciousness.

He rolled over as gently as he could so as not to disturb her. It didn't work. She began to stir almost immediately. Her arm draped lazily over his torso, her hand rubbing reflexively up and down his ribcage. God but she was beautiful. He didn't think he would ever be able to get enough of her. Even just the sight of her was enough; he would never do anything to risk that ever again. He couldn't bear it if she wasn't in his life in some form. He moved back a little, so she wouldn't be subjected to his persistent hard-on.

"Good Morning," he attempted a small smile.

"Oh shit," she jumped, jerking her hand away from him, "I must have fallen asleep. I'm so sorry Jon. I was going to go sleep on the couch… I didn't mean to…"

"Shhhh," he quieted her, "It's fine Ali. Nothing happened. We just slept…didn't we? To be honest I was so tired last night, all I can't remember anything other than getting myself here. How did I end up in your bed?"

Alex scooted up on the pillows till she was semi reclined, distancing herself from him a little. "I insisted you sleep in here before we talked. You looked like death last night. What's going on Jon? What could have you this worked up?"

"Oh shit Alex…it seems so stupid to have called you now. You don't need to hear about my problems. In fact, I'm sure it's the last thing you need." Jon began to roll towards the edge of the bed.

Alex stopped him with a gentle hand on his arm. "Jon, you're here now. You obviously need to be. Talk to me. What's going on?"

Jon sat up, and after plumping the pillows behind him, reclined back against them until he was mirroring her position. It felt strange. It was so intimate, just the two of them lying in bed talking. It reminded him of an earlier time when they had spent full days just like this. Well, not exactly like this. Back then their talks had been intermingled with hours of love-making.

"Dot's pregnant," he blurted out, rubbing his hands up and down his face and missed seeing her flinch.

"Oh…and I assume from the state you're in you feel that's a bad thing?" By the time Jon turned to look at her Alex had composed herself, her features were smooth but interested.

"Things aren't good at home Ali. They never really have been, I mean how could they? With how I feel about…" he trailed off. "Anyway, we had discussed another baby, and I told her I wasn't ready. I don't want to bring anymore kids into this. Hell, I don't think I want to stay in it myself."

Jon turned away from her as a tear threatened to spill over. He wondered how he had managed to fuck up his life so completely. This should have been a time of happiness…would have been if it were Alex carrying his child and not his wife.

Alex leaned over him and gently turned his face back towards her. Her heart lurched when she saw the despair there. With the pad of her thumb, she chased the tear from the corner of his eye. "Listen to me Jon, you can't deny the gift of a child. They are too special...too precious. Please don't take that for granted. I know this isn't how you wanted this to happen, but you can't deny that you love your daughter. You will love this little one just as much. Just give yourself some time to get used to the idea."

"I know that I will…that's what makes it so tragic. I want to give them the best Ali, I want to give them everything, and that includes a happy home…but I just don't see how that is possible. I'm not in love with her Ali, she's not…" you, he finished in his head. "All I can see coming from this is that I will grow to resent her…more than I already do. And that's already too much."

Alex needed some distance to pull herself together. She was on a knife's edge of emotion, balancing precariously and she knew if she stayed in here that balance would tip. "I'm gonna go make us some coffee. I'll be right back."

"I knew it would be too much for you. I'm sorry Alex. Please don't go… I… I just need you near me right now. We can talk about something else, anything else." He pouted. It was almost her undoing.

"Don't be silly Jon. It's fine…I'm fine. It's just coffee. I'll be back in five minutes. Why don't you go have a quick shower…it will make you feel better. Your duffle is over there on the floor." She pointed to the doorway, as she slid out the opposite side of the bed narrowly avoiding his reach for her.

Alex padded from the room without looking back. Just a few minutes. That's all she needed, just a few minutes to pull herself back together. Who could have thought that supporting a friend would be so damned hard. From the en suite off the bedroom she heard the sound of running water. Good, he had taken her advice. That gave her a few extra minutes grace. She turned on the coffee pot in the small kitchenette, and went to stand before the window overlooking the city skyline. The sky was washed in tones of pink, violet and amber as the sun was just starting to rise. Storm clouds hung heavy in the sky, off in the distance. It cast an eerie light beyond her into the room.

On hearing the water shut off in the bathroom, Alex returned to the coffee making. She entered the bedroom a couple of minutes later to find Jon in the same position she had left him, only showered and now wearing only a pair of grey sweats. Hell but he was gonna make this hard on her. She wondered if that was the intent. She placed both cups of coffee on the night stand, with a short smile in his direction and headed for the bathroom.

"I'm just going to freshen up…back in a minute," she said over her shoulder.

Jon watched the sway of her hips as she walked the short distance to the bathroom. Damn was she doing that to him on purpose. He was finding it almost impossible to resist her as it was, but he was determined to do the right thing. She made her choice…and it wasn't you, he reminded himself.

In the bathroom, Alex took care of her morning ablutions - taking the time required to pull herself back together after finding him half naked in her bed - only realizing too late that she didn't have a fresh change of clothes in there with her. There was no way she was going out there in a towel, so she donned her pajamas sans panties, took a deep breath to steady herself, and walked back into the room. He was still reclined against the headboard, his legs stretched out before him and crossed at the ankle, his coffee wrapped between both hands.

"Feel better?" she asked, as she moved to the nightstand to retrieve her own cup.

"A little…you?" he asked in return.

"Mmm hmm," she purred as she took a sip of the steaming black liquid.

As Alex raised her arm to sip from her cup, a red line low on her abdomen caught Jon's attention.

"Ali?"

"Yes?"

"Have you been ill?" he asked her cautiously.

"No…why?"

"What's this?" he asked as he tenderly traced the scar with his thumb.

Alex winced at his feather light touch, and immediately felt the blood rise to her cheeks. "It's nothing.

"It's not nothing…what happened?" he asked the concern evident in his voice, his brow furrowed.

"I had a little procedure last month, that's all. I'm fine really." She hoped he wouldn't pursue it. Of course that was a silly hope.

"Alex…they cut you. That is not a little anything." He pushed.

"It is nothing Jon." She said, "nothing that will ever affect you, nothing to concern yourself with. So can we please drop it?" Jon grabbed her hand then and pulled her down to sit on the edge of the bed facing him. She knew it was dangerous to be this close to him, but he held her hand firmly. He wanted answers. And she knew from experience he was very used to getting what he wanted.

"Ali…honey…anything that
affects you concerns me." He took the coffee cup from her and placed both of them on the nightstand.

Alex shook her head, "Not this, sorry."

"How can you say that? Just because we aren't together doesn't mean my feelings have changed. Please tell me baby," he pleaded, "you have me really worried here."

She looked down at her hands and he took them in his. "Please?" he asked again.

Her face was shrouded in hair, so he didn't realize until a tear splashed into his hand that she had begun to cry.

"Alex?" he asked, panic starting to grip him now.

"I…I can't…" she managed to choke out.

"Ali…tell me," he demanded.

She looked up at him through a veil of hair, "What you don't want…I can never have."

Jon tilted her face up with a knuckle under her chin. "What?"

A perplexed frown suddenly gave way to realization, as he watched her hand move unconsciously to her stomach and the tears continue to stream down her face.

"Oh…" it was all he could manage at first, "Oh shit Ali...and here I am…Oh shit. What happened?"

"Nothing…nothing happened." She said turning away from him, her lie ill concealed.

"Ali...talk to me."

"It's just not possible for me...can we leave it at that please."

"We could…if there wasn't more to it," he pushed. "What happened Alex?"

"I miscarried a very long time ago, but didn't realize it at the time. Apparently it created some scarring…the doctors have told me it's inconceivable that I will be able to have children."

"A long time ago when Alex?"

"It doesn't matter, the result is the same regardless."

"It matters to me. When?" When he took on that demanding tone she was hard pressed to deny him anything.

"I don't know for sure…" she evaded.

He shook her shoulders gently, "When?"

"After Queensland…are you happy now?" she glared at him, watched the shock at her tone flicker across his face right before recognition dawned. She turned away from him then, would have run from him if she could, if he didn't still have her firmly in his grasp.

"Was it mine?" his voice barely above a whisper.

"I don't… No, I'm sure it wasn't," her whole body shook with the force of emotion.

"How long after Queensland Ali?"

"It's not important Jon."

"How long?"

"Please Jon…please don't make me say this…I don't want to think about it..." She hadn't even told Rick any of this yet…she didn't know how too

His worst fears were being confirmed, "Please honey…I'm begging you…I need to know."

"I was sick a few weeks after…I…I was young…you were my first…I didn't realize anything was wrong. It never occurred to me until…well until I saw the test results last month."

"Oh hell baby...I'm so sorry." He leaned forward to cradle her in his arms. It was his turn to provide the comfort. He didn't realize until she wrapped her arms around him that he needed comforting too, it was their child she had lost. The one he had always wished he could have had.

Alex sobbed quietly into his shoulder for a few minutes before pulling back. It was too comfortable there, too familiar. "You want to hear something dumb…I never even wanted kids...and yet look at me...I'm a complete mess."

"Baby...just because you didn't want them, doesn't mean you didn't want the option. And it doesn't make losing one any easier to take. You need to….No…we need to mourn what we've lost here Ali." She looked up at that and could see the sheen of unshed tears in his eyes.

"I just feel like I'm not whole anymore…like I'm not a woman anymore." The sadness in her eyes was more than he could bear.

Jon bought his hand slowly to her face. His fingertips grazed back across her cheek until they came to rest threaded in the hair at the nape of her neck. The pad of his thumb wiped away the single tear that leaked from her eye.

"How could you think that Ali? He moved his thumb to her lips, tracing their swollen curves, "You are every bit the woman you have always been. Every bit as beautiful, every bit as sexy and so God damned irresistible, if not more so! This new self assurance that has come with age is so fucking seductive Ali...you have no idea."

"I wish that were true," she whispered.

"Oh believe me...it so is." He said huskily. "Will you let me show you?"

"What...what do you mean?"

Keeping eye contact he began to move towards her, drawing his face nearer to hers. He moved his hand further back into her hair and replaced his thumb with his soft moist lips. He felt the slight pressure of her hands on his chest and pulled back.

"Jon...I can't...Rick..."

"He isn't here baby. But I am. Let me show you...let me love you."

He moved towards her again, this time stopping just inches short. It had to be her choice. She had to want him as much as he wanted her. He stayed there and waited for her next move.

Alex hesitated. Instinctively she knew that if she took this step now it would mean so much more than a one night fling. It would be an admission, both to herself and him, that he was indeed irresistible to her. That they couldn't abstain from one another, and that was so much more dangerous now than it had ever been. She had once lived on the other side of the world, now she lived on the other side of town. She couldn't even fathom how this could work.

She studied him intently. Looking into the deep azure pool of his eyes, she saw it there...the love he had spoken of. She also saw the hunger...the lust. His lips parted and his tongue swept over them, leaving them glistening before he drew his bottom lip in between his teeth. His breathing, as was hers, was heavy as they both fought to control the emotions roiling within them. Through the haze of emotion she felt the slight tremble of his hand that had never left her neck. And then, without even a conscious thought, her body made her decision for her. She lurched forward and fell into his arms. Her arms wrapped around him, drawing him close as their tongues tangled in a fiery, sensual kiss. He pulled her with him as he reclined onto a pile of downy pillows.

As the kiss slowed, Jon moved his lips from hers tracing a line along her jaw to her ear where he paused to whisper, "You taste so good...," his tongue swirled around her ear, "Fuck Ali...you have no idea how bad I want you right now."

He snagged her hand from its position in his hair and moved it down to place it over his straining cock, "See what you do to me baby...what you have always done to me. Let me love you the way you deserve to be loved. I need you baby. I can't even be me without you."

She rubbed her hand up and down his hard length through the fabric of his sweats, and felt her stomach grip as he moaned in pleasure. "God help me Jon...I can't do it. I just can't stay away from you. I'm gonna burn in hell for this...and I don't even care." Her voice was breathless...uneven.

"Oh don't worry baby," he chuckled, "I'm sure you'll have company, besides...how could it ever be Hell if we're together."

Jon folded his arms more tightly around her and she tucked her nose just below his jaw. Her soft curls were draped across his torso and he had to will his heart to stop thundering in his chest. He knew that she had accepted what was happening for this moment, but worried that at any minute, she would change her mind. Reaching down, he tipped her chin upward. She regarded him gravely through slitted eyelids. "You know that I will never, ever hurt you Alex," he whispered.

"I know," she said softly. "At least not intentionally…"

His thumb was once more drawn to her full lower lip. "No. Never," he assured her, before bringing her mouth to his once more. The kiss was slow…seductive… Even though he knew he didn't have all the time in the world, he wanted to pretend that he did. He wanted to pretend that this elusive beauty in his arms could be there forever. "Let me make love to you baby," he breathed against her mouth, shifting her weight more fully on top of him. His hands could nearly span her tiny waist and he dragged his fingertips slowly up and down her bare sides, exposed by her nightclothes. "Let me show you how much I love you."

Alex knew that if she turned away from him, he would not push her, even though she had already come this far. But at that moment, the comfort he was offering was like solace to all the wounds she had born. The feelings of rejection, of never being good enough to be his wife, of envy over his perfect family and perfect child…all of that was forgotten when he touched her and looked at her with his soul burning in his clear blue eyes. She knew she was lost. He sensed her lack of resistance without her saying a word. He took her hand in his, their fingers interlaced as he kissed her, then slowly, carefully, he rolled her over his body until she was lying in the center of the bed

Chapter 49

"I can't believe you did this Dorothea. We discussed it. We agreed we weren't ready." Jon's tone was now resigned. He'd passed anger hours ago.

"I didn't do this alone you know. It takes two to make a baby Jon." She said hurt. "Besides it's not like I planned it. I told you to use something. You were in such a God damn rush that night. I didn't know what had come over you."

Jon remembered back a few weeks. He knew exactly the night this child had been conceived, they hadn't made love for weeks before or since. It was the day he'd run into Alex. He went home looking for...he didn't know what. Comfort...hardly. But Dot had been there... as she always was. He couldn't call what they had done that night making love. It was raw animalistic sex. There were no tender touches, no gentle caresses. It was primal...he had taken her, pounding into her for all he was worth, inconsiderate of her feelings. At that moment they were inconsequential. She was merely the means to the release he needed, the release he had sought in Annie that first night...the release he hadn't found. He had fought to keep Alex's name slipping from his lips as he spilled his seed deep within her. Now he was paying the price.

"I can't talk about this anymore. I have to get out of here," Jon snapped as he paced the floor. He felt like a caged lion, backed into a corner and vicious. If he didn't leave now he would surely say something he would regret.

"Where are you going?" her voice was soft, reconciled.

"I don't know...Mom's...maybe the city." He said as he grabbed a bag from the closet and began to throw in some clothes."

"Please Jon...don't go..we can work through this," she was pleading now.

Jon paused what he was doing, but he couldn't bring himself to look at her. "Everything will be fine Dot. I just have some shit to work through and I can't do it here. I'll be back in a few days...I just need some time to think."

"Fine go...but Jon...when you come back...make sure you know what it is you want 'cause I can't keep living like this."

"I know Dotty...I know. And I'm sorry...I don't know what else I can say. I'll see you in a few. I have my cell if something urgent comes up."

Dot understood his meaning precisely...don't call if it's not life threatening.

"G'bye hon." He kissed her on the forehead and disappeared from the room.

Jon threw his bag into the trunk of his Camaro and pulled out of the drive way, still unsure of where he was heading. He was only a couple of blocks when he pulled the car to a stop on the side of the road and pulled out his wallet and his cell. He slid Annie's card out from one of the dividers and cursed as another fell to the floor. He dialled in her new number and waited... no answer. Eyes closed, he collapsed forward resting his head on the back of his hands that were now gripping the top of the steering wheel.

When his eyes flickered open a minute or so later a flash of white on the floor caught his attention. He reached down and picked up the small rectangular card, his eyes immediately focusing on the name. Without thinking twice he dialled the number.

"'lo," her voice was thick with sleep. He looked at the clock on the dash...FUCK it was almost midnight. "Hello..." she said again.

"Alex," he croaked, "sorry...I shouldn't have called. I didn't realise it was so late. Sorry to disturb you. Go back to sleep, baby."

He stomach twisted at the affectionate term. "What's wrong Jon...you sound terrible."

"No..nothing...I'm fine. Really go back to sleep." He fought to keep his voice steady.

"Look Jon..if we are gonna do this friend thing there has to trust and for that there needs to be honesty. Now I know something is wrong...what can I do to help? You wouldn't have called if you didn't think I could."

"To be honest Ali, I didn't think anything...I just dialled."

"What's happened? Is everything ok? The boys, Dot, the baby?" She flinched as she said it.

"Everyone's fine. Dot and I are having some issues...that's all. Not enough for you to lose sleep over. Go back to bed."

"I haven't left it," that conjured an image he really didn't need right now, "Look it will only take me a couple of minutes to throw on some clothes. How about you come meet me for coffee? I'm in the city anyway."

"I uh...I'm not really...It's ah..." he stumbled over his words, "It's not a conversation I could have in public Alex. Just go to bed. Sorry I woke you. I'll talk to you soon."

Her voice was anxious when she spoke. "Jon...Jon...please...don't hang up..." she listened and waited for his response. He didn't speak again but she could hear him breathing.

"Jon... Listen...why don't you come here? I'm staying at The Barclay again, suite 1402." She again waited for an answer but there was no response.

"Jon...are you there."

"I can't do that Ali. It wouldn't be right." His voice was thick with emotion.

"Listen...you wanted to try the friend's thing...well here is our chance. This is what friends do. When should I expect you?"

"An hour I guess..maybe a little less."

"Ok good..knock a little loudly when you get here...in case I fall asleep." She said.

"Ali...are you sure about this? I'm really not great company at the moment." He was giving her the opportunity to back out.

"I'm sure Jon. I made you a promise...I keep my promises. I said if you needed me, I'd be here...and honestly Jon...I don't think you've ever needed me more. I don't know what's going on...but I do know it's big to have you this shaken. So get your ass off the phone and over here now." She insisted.

"I'll see you soon...and Ali"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks...I know this can't be easy for you."

"It's nothing Jon...To quote the song....that's what friends are for. See you soon." She said and hanging up the phone, she laid her head on her pillow, and though she didn't expect to, fell back to sleep within minutes.

It was less than an hour later that a groggy Alex stumbled to the door of her suite, after a loud knock had roused her. Her lips were full and pouty, her eyes slitted under generous curling lashes, her long dark waist length locks sleep tousled, and she wore a pair of pale pink satin boxers, loose and slung low on her hips and a short midriff soft cotton knit sleep T in the same color. She didn't realise what an amazingly erotic picture she posed as she opened the door. She took his breath away.

Through slitted eyes she looked at him, her assessment was blunt, "You look like shit."

"Geez...thanks Alex. I can always count on you for honesty." He grinned, it felt unnatural on his lips...it had been so long since he'd had a reason to smile.

"Yeah well...come in." She motioned him in and lifted both hands to finger comb her hair back from her face. It caused her short top to lift even higher so that it barely covered her full breasts. Jon consciously fought the erection that was now beginning to stir.

He stepped in the door and she closed it behind him. She didn't realise until she heard the thud, that he had been carrying a bag. It now lay on the floor at his feet. She looked at it pointedly.

"It's not what you think. I'm going to check in for a couple of days. I just can't face going home at the moment." He said in explanation.

Alex watched as he rubbed his face with trembling hands. She didn't know if she had ever seen him this upset...and then she remembered that day in her mother's foyer so long ago, as he begged her to stay with him...effectively as his mistress. She didn't know which was worse...then or now but the urge to comfort him was overwhelming.

"C'mere," she pulled him into her arms, gently stroking the hair at the nape of his neck with one hand as the other soothed his back. He was trembling with emotion.

She pulled back from him, "Come and sit down..."

"No Alex, you were sleeping I know how hard you work I can't do this to you. I should just go." He bent to retrieve his bag from the floor.

She put her hand over his and guided the bag back to the floor. "Don't be stupid I can have coffee for us in ten minutes."

"I really don't want coffee. I just need to talk. I need to be near you." She shot a warning look at him and he clarified his statement. "I don't mean that the way it sounds. I just...I need to be close to you Alex...not like... you know.... It's just that when I think of comfort...I think of you. I've never been as happy as I am when I'm with you." He fell into her, and she wrapped her arms around him.

She waited a few moments before drawing back from him, she took his face in her hands and traced the dark shadows under his eyes with the pads of her thumbs. "Have you slept?"

He shook his head, "I haven't been able to."

She took his hand and led him to the bedroom, "Here...you sleep in here...I'll take the couch. We can talk in the morning."

"I can't kick you out of your bed," he protested.

"Look at you your dead on your feet." She knelt down and helped him off with his shoes. All the while trying to remind herself that she would do this for any friend. This was no different. She swung his feet up and he collapsed against the pillows.

"Can I get you anything...a glass of water?"

"Mmmm that would be nice." His eyes had already drifted closed. It had been months since he had felt this sense of peace.

When Alex came back in a few moments later, Jon's breathing was deep and even. She set the glass of water down on the nightstand and slipped under the covers on the other side of the bed. He was laying on his side now. What could it hurt if she held him for a while, while he slept. She moved in close and spooned his sleeping form, propping her head on one folded arm and wrapping the other around his waist. She would be gone before he woke...he would never know any different.

Jon let out a soft sigh as she wrapped herself around him. The noise was lost to her in the rustle of the sheets as she settled. Her body was warm and soft against his. He felt her gentle kiss on the nape of his neck...but he was too far into sleep to realise that she shouldn't even be there. In that moment, all was right with the world...he was right where he should be...in Alex's arms.