Chapter 52

Alex woke slowly and stretched luxuriously. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt so content. She knew it was wrong…but she couldn't help it. She was with the man she loved. He loved her and that was all that mattered…the rest was just details. Sure they were details like a husband and wife, and children, and careers…but they were just details none the less. In her present state of bliss…nothing was going to bring her down.

She stretched her hand out seeking Jon's warm flesh…but found his side of the bed was empty. Well maybe one thing could bring her down. Her eyes flew open and she looked around the room in alarm. He was nowhere to be seen. Panic clawed at her chest…he had done it again…he had left her… again. The back of her eyes began to sting; her lower lip began to tremble. She threw herself face down into her pillow and was just about to howl out her agony when…

"Ready for your bath, beautiful?" It was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard. She immediately turned to his voice.

In two strides Jon was beside the bed. "What's wrong, Ali? You've been crying."

"I…I thought…I thought you were gone," she sniffed.

"Oh baby…I could never leave you."

"But you will," Alex insisted.

"Shhh," he cooed, "let's not worry about that now." He pulled her to him and silenced her with a kiss.

Alex couldn't remember that she had a train of thought, let alone what that train of thought was. Jon scooped her up into his arms and carried her into the bathroom.

It was surreal. Jon had lit candles…dozens of them and they were perched on every available surface in the room, giving it a warm glow. The large tub was overflowing with clouds of white foam that was sprinkled with rose petals…pink rose petals. Beside the tub was a silver ice bucket on a stand containing a bottle of chilled champagne and two crystal flutes, each adorned with a strawberry.

"Oh my God," she whispered, "How did you…?"

"This hotel has a great concierge," he offered in explanation. "Now…shhh."

He lowered her into the steaming water, slowly…allowing her time to become accustomed to the change in temperature. He poured two glasses of champagne, handed her one and placed the other down on an available section of marble and slid the sweats he was wearing from his waist, before carefully slipping into the bath behind her. It was reminiscent of an earlier time, she relaxed back into his body just as she had back then. She felt his arms encircle her, and his lips on the top of her head, and released a deep sigh.

"I love you baby," he said against her ear, his warm breath tickling her flesh.

He ran his hands up the length of her arms and bought them to rest on her shoulders, where he began to tenderly knead out the tension there. Alex took a deep draw from the glass in her hand and placed it next to Jon's. Her eyes drifted closed and her head lolled back and forth across his chest, as his skillful hands made short work of the knots. Every now and then a soft purr would erupt from her chest…just like a kitten showing its contentment.

Alex's hands found Jon's thighs beneath the water and slowly began to stroke their length, nails scoring his flesh gently with each up stroke. He immediately began to harden beneath her, his proud length pressing persistently into her lower back. She arched her hips slightly and began to undulate gently against him, each sharp breath and sensual noise she made only serving to drive him further into maddening desire.

Jon dropped his hand from her shoulders and immediately found her breasts. Their stiff peaks stabbed at his palms as he rubbed over them, before taking the protruding pink nipples between his thumb and forefinger and rolling them mercilessly. She groaned, arched. One hand came up to thread into the hair at the nape of his neck, drawing his mouth down to the long line of her exposed throat. The other slipped into the space her arching spine had created between their bodies and enclosed around his length, her thumb rubbing absently across the tip.

"Oh Fuck…." He breathed as her hand slid effortlessly up and down his length.

"Your wish is my command," she said. And with that she raised herself above him and slid him into her silky depths.

Jon was so stunned by the suddenness of the action that he grasped onto her breasts. She yelped, but it only seemed to spur her on. Alex began to rock up and down the length of his cock. Water sloshed around them.

She turned her head and planted a kiss full on his mouth. "Fuck me baby." She urged against his lips.

It bought Jon somewhat back to his senses. He realized that he had been sitting there still, in a state of shock, though why he had no idea. He traced one finger around and over a nipple, flicking gently, tickling and teasing. She grabbed his hand and sucked a finger deep into her mouth, swirling her tongue around it, flicking at it, massaging it with deft skill, all the while reminding him that it could just as easily be his cock. She had, after all already done all that and more. She seized his other hand and guided it to the apex of her thighs. But instead of letting him take charge, she did. She maneuvered so that his hand lay on top of hers, and then she began to pleasure herself. All the time his fingers shadowed hers, teasing, circling, probing, rubbing.

Holy hell, his body was on fire, his brain a melting pot of lust and desire, and his cock….fuck, his cock had never been so hard, his balls so full. He felt invincible. He felt like he could last all night. And with that thought, she reached beneath them and took his balls in her hand and he was instantly on the edge. Every nerve in his body was alive and screaming for release.

"Ali," he managed to grind out as he pulled at her hand, "stop…I don't...not yet..." It was hard to form a coherent thought let alone a coherent sentence.

Ali obliged and instead guided his hand back to her pussy. This time she let him play.

She bit down on her lip as his finger slid into her slit. It felt warm against her skin in contrast to the cooling bath water. He rubbed up and down her length several times, exploring every fold of flesh. He flicked at her clit several times, teasingly...only to move away from where she wanted his touch most. She bucked against his hand in frustration and he chuckled evilly.

And then he was working her clit in earnest as he thrust into her without restraint. Water spilled over the edge if the bath and coated the floor, it doused the nearby candles, dimming the room with each violent thrust. Alex had one hand over his at her pussy, holding him in place. The other gripped at the powerful muscles of his thigh.

"Harder," she urged, "more Jon...pleeeaseee...."

"Oh fuck, Ali....." he grunted. He grabbed her around the waist and lifted her off him, standing in the process.

"What...Jon...noooo," she cried in protest, as he stepped out of the tub.

He grabbed several towels from the rack and threw them on to the floor, scattering them like a white fluffy nest, then pulled her from the tub and laid her on top of them. Mere seconds had passed before he was pumping into her for all he was worth on the bathroom floor.

She had welcomed him back with a satisfied moan and now her legs were wrapped around his waist, her back arched with desire. He was biting his lip so hard in the effort to retain control that he tasted blood. His need was raw...primal. Never before had he felt so unbelievably out of control.

Beneath him, Alex moaned and groaned and screamed her pleasure. Long nails scored the flesh of his back as her hands grappled to gain purchase on his wet skin. Their bodies slipped and slid against each other, increasing the friction. He curled his hands up over her shoulders, bracing her for each thrust. And then she was convulsing around him. Her head thrashed from side to side as she babbled incomprehensively and screamed his name. Jon followed her into oblivion, spilling his seed deep within her.

The pair lay silent for a long time, catching their breath and simply revelling in the feel of each other's bodies. When he could finally lift his head Jon covered her face with tender kisses. "You are so amazing baby..." he said quietly "I've never had this with anyone. No one can do to me what you do with just a kiss."

"Umm Jon...there was a little more than a simple kiss going on there," Alex giggled.

"Well yeah...but you know what I mean?" It was a question, not a statement.

"I do."

Jon got up and turned on the shower. Keeping his attention focused there as he asked nervously, "Do you...do you have this with him?"

"Jon!"

"Please Ali...I need to know."

Alex drew her knees up to her chest, so she was a little less vulnerable. "Jon I'd really rather..."

"Please..." he interrupted.

"If you're asking if it's good...the answer is yes. He is a very attentive lover." She purposely didn't say Rick's name but watched as Jon visibly winced regardless. "If you're asking if he and I have the connection that you and I do?....I don't know how to answer that Jon....What is it that we have?"

"I love you Ali...you love me..."

"I do yes...I've admitted as much, regardless of how much I have tried to deny it even to myself these past few years."

"Well you don't have to deny it anymore...at least not to me. I know you feel it too Ali...I know you feel that we are destined to be together...just like I do." He stepped closer to her and held out a hand. He drew her up from the floor and encircled her in his arms. "What you have with him really doesn't matter...just like what happens with Dot doesn't matter. At the end of all this Ali...and you can trust me on this...at the end of all this...it's gonna be you and me against the world."

"Oh Jon," she sighed, and laid her head against his chest, "I'd really love to believe that."

"Well believe it. Trust me baby...one day...I'm gonna make all your dreams come true." He kissed the top of her forehead and gave her ass a light tap, instantly lightening the mood. "Now," he added, "I don't know about you...but I am absolutely ravenous. I'm going to order up some food. You jump into that shower and clean up, 'cause I'm pretty sure that as soon as I've been fed I'm gonna want to dirty you all over again."

Just over an hour later Alex was sprawled on her back in the middle of the bed, the duvet pulled all the way up to her neck. Jon was cuddled to her side. They had devoured three huge burgers and a massive serving of fries between them. Had chased those with a shared Chocolate Fudge Brownie Sundae and washed it all down with two giant glasses of Soda. She sighed contentedly and her eyes fluttered closed. Jon's hand found her breast and kneaded gently.

"Aren't you worn out yet?" she asked sleepily. Now that she had been fed the only thing on her mind was a nice afternoon nap.

"With you here...? Never?"

"Well I am." Alex insisted, snuggling deeper into the plush bed.

"That's fine baby..." he whispered. "You sleep...I'll take care of everything." He pressed a soft kiss to her lips and then he was moving beneath the covers.

Alex's eyes flew open when she felt his tongue flitter over her clit. She lifted the duvet and looked down her body at him.

"Wha...." was all she managed to get out, as he parted her thighs and his tongue penetrated her.

"I thought you were falling asleep?" he muttered against her flesh, the vibration of his words the sweetest sensation. Then he raised his head and flashed an evil grin, wiggling his eyebrows in emphasis.

"Not anymore," she said and pushed his head back between her legs.

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Chapter 51

Jon continued to kiss Alex until they were both breathless with desire. While one hand remained entwined in hers, his other roamed her silky skin, working its way beneath the flimsy pajama top to a soft warm mound of flesh. Her erect nipple dug into the palm of his hand as he kneaded one of the more obvious traits of her womanhood, causing her to gasp.

She reveled in the touch of his hand. She knew what they were doing was wrong, but here…now… she didn't want to be right. She would quite gladly take her punishment and burn in hell, as long as he was by her side. Every touch, every caress was exquisite torture. Her whole body ached for him as it did for no other.

Jon began to move lower, worshiping her body, her womanhood. He kissed and licked his way down her graceful neck, pausing to nuzzle at her delicate clavicle. He moved his hand from her breast, trailing feather-light fingers over her ribcage, to her tiny waist. His thumb traced lazy circles around her belly button, before a finger dipped inside sending a jolt to her core. He ran his hands back up her ribs, catching her shirt as he went, pushing upwards until she had to raise her head so that he could slip it up over her arms and off her. Her mouth reached for his and engaged him in another mind numbing kiss.

Jon broke the kiss to move to her ear where he traced along the rim with the tip of his tongue before whispering, "you are so beautiful Ali…so perfect."

His breath was warm and moist in her ear. Gooseflesh rose all over her body, and he chuckled sexily at the involuntary shiver her body gave. Every reaction was involuntary with him. When he was this close she was unable to think coherently, let alone move decisively.

He couldn't get enough of her, he couldn't get close enough, never close enough. He swung a leg over her body so that he was straddling her, a knee either side of her hips, a hand either side of her head. He kissed her softly on the lips, trailing kisses over her chin and down. He ran a rough calloused hand down the smooth flesh between her breasts, and followed it with the softness that was his mouth. His now shoulder length hair trailed over her breasts as he moved, causing her nipples to pucker achingly.

Sliding even lower, Jon once again came to her tiny waist and the luscious curves of her hips – wide set and perfect for childbearing that would never again know that privilege. His thumbs traced up and down the lines of her pelvis that were exposed above her sleep shorts, as his tongue soothed her scar.

"I need to see you baby…I need to see all of you," he said against her skin.

Scooting backwards on the bed, he hooked his fingers in the top of her shorts and dragged them down her body, never once losing contact with her skin. His hands ran over the firm rounded cheeks of her ass, his fingertips dipping close to her center as they trailed down the back of her thighs, eliciting a small moan, almost a purr, from her chest. He followed the shapely curve of her calves all the way down to her ankle, then ever so gently, with a hand beneath her bottom, prompted her to roll onto her stomach. He then started the process all over again, kissing, caressing savoring every inch of her he could access until she was writhing beneath him.

"Please Jon…"she whimpered. Alex felt as though every cell in her body was electrically charged. Every nerve ending was heightened, waiting for his next touch.

"Shhhh…" he soothed.

He kissed each vertebrae in turn as he followed her spine down…down… Grabbing two pillows from the bed, he propped up her waist, granting him better access to his next target. Kneading her cheeks with firm hands he used his thumbs to part them and reveal his prize. He ran his tongue down the valley of her buttocks, pausing to flick over her sensitive puckered hole only briefly before travelling even lower. The musky scent of her sex intoxicated him, his tongue stretched out to lap at her clit as his nose nuzzled into her silky depths. Alex's breath hitched and almost immediately she began to contract around him.

He pulled back, "Hush baby…not yet" he murmured.

From the very first second he had touched her Alex had been in an impending state of orgasm. She fought back the urge with all her will, she didn't want it like this either. She wanted to see him when she came…to look into his eyes and see the love there. For the second time he prompted her to rollover – she did so gladly.

It never failed to amaze Jon just how responsive she was to him. Her body was made for his touch. He discarded the pillows and tenderly parted her thighs, then sat back on his haunches to admire her. What an erotically wonton picture she made laying there waiting for him to please her. She watched him through hooded eyes. Her lips were swollen and pink, no longer from sleep but from his kisses. Her cheeks held a rosy glow, and her pale skin was a stark contrast to the masses of soft curls that spread out around her, framing her face. One hand lay above her head, the other traced unconscious patterns across one heaving breast. He took a mental picture of the image before him, knowing it was a sight he would never forget as long as he lived.

As Jon admired her, Alex likewise admired him -his square jaw, tight with the effort of control, his eyes, usually crystal blue, now dark and stormy with lust. The single bead of perspiration that dripped from the nape of his neck and rolled down his muscular chest, only to get lost in the abundance of black fur that narrowed as it descended to his rippling abs and lower, between the delicious indentations that were his hips as they disappeared into his low riding sweats.

Alex reached a hand out towards him. Unable to deny her anything he entwined his fingers with hers and led them to her pussy. He traced the line of her slit with his thumb, while their joined hands hovered above. At the top of her lips, he allowed his thumb to delve inside, to press down on her erect nub, and watched as her sweet juices flowed for him.

"Is that for me baby?" he asked, his voice a husky growl, "are you wet for me?"

Drawing her bottom lip through her teeth, Alex nodded her assent.

Jon lowered his mouth to her. There was no teasing this time. He needed to taste her fully, his tongue immediately replaced his thumb on het clit…flicking, licking, sucking.

"Mmmm…taste so good." His stubble tickled her lips as he spoke against them.

Within seconds Alex was mumbling incoherently and when Jon slid two fingers inside her, and touched that sweet spot that only he had ever found, her body convulsed.

"Fuck me….yes…yes Jon yes, yes..." she screamed.

"Oh baby… I intend to." He growled as he rid himself of his sweats and sat back on his haunches again.

His cock was purple and straining, his immense need and incredible self control fully evident. Alex sat up and scraped her nails up his ribcage. It was her turn to chuckle at his involuntary shiver. She leaned up and kissed him soundly, and while he was preoccupied with that, took him in her hand. Pre-cum oozed from his tip and she spread it with her thumb, pumping him slowly. She kissed the corner of his mouth, his chin, his jaw…she nuzzled into his neck and nipped at his adams apple before kissing a trail down over his chest and beyond.

Jon was lost in sensation, her hand on his cock, her lips all over his torso, her hair on his thighs. She was more than halfway do her destination when he realized where she was headed.

"Oh no baby," he chided, taking her gently by the arms and pulling her up, "today is all about you Ali…only you."

"I need you...Jon. I need you inside me…I need you now," she pleaded.

"Ughh," he groaned, "...fuck Ali...How could I ever say no to you?" He moved to sit cross legged before her. "Come here." He held his arms wide and she climbed into them, wrapping her legs around his waist, her ass cradling into the hollow of his folded legs, until they were face to face, no space between them, the thick hair on his chest grazing her pert nipples.

Jon's arms wrapped around her at the waist, one hand slid slowly up her spine until it came to the nape of her neck. He grabbed a fistful of hair and tugged gently so as to gain better access to her neck. He dipped his tongue in the hollow at the base of it then followed the line of her throat up to her chin and beyond to trace the seam of her lips. With tender prodding they granted him access to the pleasures beyond. He tasted her fully, languorously, until her taste infiltrated all of his senses, until she was everything, until they were one.

As the kiss deepened, Alex opened her eyes to look at him. The pain was gone from his face now, only pleasure remained. He looked like the carefree man that had dazzled her that first night when she was just sixteen...really only a few short years, yet a lifetime ago. He must have sensed she was watching him, because his eyes fluttered open. Had she not felt the same, the intensity she saw there would have scared her – the raw lust, the overwhelming desire, the unconcealed, unrivalled love.

Alex ran her hands down the length of his arms, over rippling biceps until she came to his hands, where she entwined her fingers with his, his large competent hands dwarfing hers. It seemed like an eternity that they sat like this, kissing tenderly, simply enjoying each other. And then she started to move, undulating against him. His rock hard cock protruded proudly from his torso, the tip placing pressure on her sensitised clit, causing tiny wave after tiny wave of pleasure for both of them, his response a groan rumbling deep in his chest, hers a soft mewing.

He brought her hands to his lips, kissing both of them in turn, then gently placed her arms around his neck.

"Ali," he whispered, tenderly tilting her chin up with thumb, his lips so close to hers that his breath felt like an intimate caress. "Are...you sure baby?"

She nodded quickly, so filled with desire that she didn't trust herself to speak.

"I need you so bad...I need you more than anything...more than the air I breathe...I can't live without you...I've tried but I can't do it," he muttered.

With trembling fingers, he caressed her cheekbones, his eyes the color of a stormy ocean, never leaving hers as his hands slowly traced down her throat, down the outer curve of her breasts, and down her torso. His thumbs rested against her lower ribs while his hands encircled her tiny waist.

His breathing was hot and heavy as he watched her, watched as she bit her shaking lower lip, the intensity of the moment not lost on either of them. "You are so very beautiful," he said softly. "The most beautiful woman I have ever known…"

Slowly his fingers trailed down her spine and outwards, his palms gliding over her hipbones. Ever so gently, he parted her bottom, curving around her soft flesh, lifting her just the few inches needed until she was positioned precisely where he wanted her.

He lowered his forehead to hers, his eyes never leaving hers as he lowered her, his breath coming in heaving gasps until she was fully seated on him.

She watched his face, fascinated by the play of emotions she saw there. And then she read his lips, his voice silent as he mouthed, "I love you."

Crushing her to him, he kissed her passionately as he moved inside her. Alex swung her legs around and raised herself onto her knees to gain leverage, but no matter what she did she couldn't get him deep enough inside her. With a gentle push on his shoulders she encouraged him to lie back on the bed so she could ride him. Her hands drifted down over his chest and rested on his abdomen as he stretched his legs out behind her.

Deliberately she began to move, rising and lowering herself on his swollen cock, withdrawing until only the tip remained inside on each up stroke, contracting her pussy around it and feeling it fill her completely with each down stroke. She lifted her face towards the ceiling, causing her silky curls to tickle his thighs. He watched the ecstasy on her face as her eyes fluttered closed, watched as she bit down on her lower lip in an effort to retain control, as she took deep measured breaths to assist in that same effort.

Alex reached around behind her and took his balls in her hand, grinning wickedly when his breath hitched and his back arched up off the bed momentarily. He watched intently with smouldering eyes as her other hand came up to caress her breast momentarily before her middle finger followed an imaginary line down the centre of her torso and slipped between the silky wet lips of her pussy. The image before him was one of the most erotic he had ever witnessed, seeing her stimulate her clit as he watched his length slide in and out of her warm moist depths.

He was close to the edge, but she was closer. He diverted his attention from her pussy to her face as her breath came in raspy shallow pants. "That's it Ali...let me see you come for me. You look so beautiful when you come baby. Let me hear you scream...come hard for me baby."

Again Alex leaned down over him, her hands braced against his chest. She no longer pumped him but instead ground and against him. He lifted the hand she had used to stimulate herself and one by one sucked each finger into his mouth to taste her, it seemed he could never get enough.

"Ohh..ooh God Jon..." she panted as she began to grind into him in earnest, his hips meeting her thrust for thrust.

He reached between them, it only took a moment. The second his thumb touched her clit, her body began to shudder powerfully and a guttural scream escaped her as she toppled into oblivion, orgasming so powerfully that every nerve, every feeling seemed to center in her core, until she could no longer hold herself up and collapsed on top of him breathless.

Jon gave her only a moment to recover. He drew her lips to his, kissed her soundly, then uttered against them, "My turn." With a grin twice as wicked as hers he snagged her hands in his and in a fluid motion, rolled them so that he was on top of her.

"My pleasure," she grinned back at him.

"uh uh...our pleasure," he murmured against her ear, his warm breath already coming in pants, his tongue moist as it traced a bead of sweat that trailed from her temple. And with that he began to move, his weight balanced on one elbow, the hand of that arm wrapped around the back and over her shoulder, bracing her against his thrusts as the other hand ran down her leg and hoisted it over his hip.

Alex lifted her other leg of her own accord and wrapped them securely around his waist, locking them at the ankle. With every thrust, she felt him deep within her. Still aroused, it wasn't long before once again her walls began to pulse around him.

"Jon...I'm gonna...."

"It's ok baby...I know. I'm with you honey...let go." Jon replied as he felt his balls tighten and his toes curl.

Alex stared deep into his eyes as her walls contracted hard around him and Jon spilt his seed deep within her, his release signalled with a load groan that she muffled with a fiery soulful kiss before he collapsed exhausted on top of her.

They lay like that, still joined and silent for a long time. Jon made to move away from her but she clutched him tightly to her. He adjusted their position so they were laying side by side, still intimately joined.

Minutes later thinking he was asleep, when his breathing began to slow and even out and she felt him slip from her body, she kissed each of his closed eyelids and whispered against his forehead, "I love you too Jon...It's always been you. It always will be."

She did not see the huge grin on his face, she too was well on her way to a peaceful slumber.

Chapter 50

Jon woke the next morning dazed and confused. He knew something wasn't right with the situation he was in the moment consciousness dawned. He could feel a warm body pressed up against his back, her warm body. That much he knew. He also recognized the fact that she shouldn't be there.

His memory of the evening before was hazy at best. It had been so long since he had slept, he was amazed he had any recollection at all. He remembered ringing her. He remembered knowing that he shouldn't. He remembered her insistence that he come to her, and his arrival…but little beyond that. It seemed that her mere presence had been enough to relax him, to lull him into a state of unconsciousness.

He rolled over as gently as he could so as not to disturb her. It didn't work. She began to stir almost immediately. Her arm draped lazily over his torso, her hand rubbing reflexively up and down his ribcage. God but she was beautiful. He didn't think he would ever be able to get enough of her. Even just the sight of her was enough; he would never do anything to risk that ever again. He couldn't bear it if she wasn't in his life in some form. He moved back a little, so she wouldn't be subjected to his persistent hard-on.

"Good Morning," he attempted a small smile.

"Oh shit," she jumped, jerking her hand away from him, "I must have fallen asleep. I'm so sorry Jon. I was going to go sleep on the couch… I didn't mean to…"

"Shhhh," he quieted her, "It's fine Ali. Nothing happened. We just slept…didn't we? To be honest I was so tired last night, all I can't remember anything other than getting myself here. How did I end up in your bed?"

Alex scooted up on the pillows till she was semi reclined, distancing herself from him a little. "I insisted you sleep in here before we talked. You looked like death last night. What's going on Jon? What could have you this worked up?"

"Oh shit Alex…it seems so stupid to have called you now. You don't need to hear about my problems. In fact, I'm sure it's the last thing you need." Jon began to roll towards the edge of the bed.

Alex stopped him with a gentle hand on his arm. "Jon, you're here now. You obviously need to be. Talk to me. What's going on?"

Jon sat up, and after plumping the pillows behind him, reclined back against them until he was mirroring her position. It felt strange. It was so intimate, just the two of them lying in bed talking. It reminded him of an earlier time when they had spent full days just like this. Well, not exactly like this. Back then their talks had been intermingled with hours of love-making.

"Dot's pregnant," he blurted out, rubbing his hands up and down his face and missed seeing her flinch.

"Oh…and I assume from the state you're in you feel that's a bad thing?" By the time Jon turned to look at her Alex had composed herself, her features were smooth but interested.

"Things aren't good at home Ali. They never really have been, I mean how could they? With how I feel about…" he trailed off. "Anyway, we had discussed another baby, and I told her I wasn't ready. I don't want to bring anymore kids into this. Hell, I don't think I want to stay in it myself."

Jon turned away from her as a tear threatened to spill over. He wondered how he had managed to fuck up his life so completely. This should have been a time of happiness…would have been if it were Alex carrying his child and not his wife.

Alex leaned over him and gently turned his face back towards her. Her heart lurched when she saw the despair there. With the pad of her thumb, she chased the tear from the corner of his eye. "Listen to me Jon, you can't deny the gift of a child. They are too special...too precious. Please don't take that for granted. I know this isn't how you wanted this to happen, but you can't deny that you love your daughter. You will love this little one just as much. Just give yourself some time to get used to the idea."

"I know that I will…that's what makes it so tragic. I want to give them the best Ali, I want to give them everything, and that includes a happy home…but I just don't see how that is possible. I'm not in love with her Ali, she's not…" you, he finished in his head. "All I can see coming from this is that I will grow to resent her…more than I already do. And that's already too much."

Alex needed some distance to pull herself together. She was on a knife's edge of emotion, balancing precariously and she knew if she stayed in here that balance would tip. "I'm gonna go make us some coffee. I'll be right back."

"I knew it would be too much for you. I'm sorry Alex. Please don't go… I… I just need you near me right now. We can talk about something else, anything else." He pouted. It was almost her undoing.

"Don't be silly Jon. It's fine…I'm fine. It's just coffee. I'll be back in five minutes. Why don't you go have a quick shower…it will make you feel better. Your duffle is over there on the floor." She pointed to the doorway, as she slid out the opposite side of the bed narrowly avoiding his reach for her.

Alex padded from the room without looking back. Just a few minutes. That's all she needed, just a few minutes to pull herself back together. Who could have thought that supporting a friend would be so damned hard. From the en suite off the bedroom she heard the sound of running water. Good, he had taken her advice. That gave her a few extra minutes grace. She turned on the coffee pot in the small kitchenette, and went to stand before the window overlooking the city skyline. The sky was washed in tones of pink, violet and amber as the sun was just starting to rise. Storm clouds hung heavy in the sky, off in the distance. It cast an eerie light beyond her into the room.

On hearing the water shut off in the bathroom, Alex returned to the coffee making. She entered the bedroom a couple of minutes later to find Jon in the same position she had left him, only showered and now wearing only a pair of grey sweats. Hell but he was gonna make this hard on her. She wondered if that was the intent. She placed both cups of coffee on the night stand, with a short smile in his direction and headed for the bathroom.

"I'm just going to freshen up…back in a minute," she said over her shoulder.

Jon watched the sway of her hips as she walked the short distance to the bathroom. Damn was she doing that to him on purpose. He was finding it almost impossible to resist her as it was, but he was determined to do the right thing. She made her choice…and it wasn't you, he reminded himself.

In the bathroom, Alex took care of her morning ablutions - taking the time required to pull herself back together after finding him half naked in her bed - only realizing too late that she didn't have a fresh change of clothes in there with her. There was no way she was going out there in a towel, so she donned her pajamas sans panties, took a deep breath to steady herself, and walked back into the room. He was still reclined against the headboard, his legs stretched out before him and crossed at the ankle, his coffee wrapped between both hands.

"Feel better?" she asked, as she moved to the nightstand to retrieve her own cup.

"A little…you?" he asked in return.

"Mmm hmm," she purred as she took a sip of the steaming black liquid.

As Alex raised her arm to sip from her cup, a red line low on her abdomen caught Jon's attention.

"Ali?"

"Yes?"

"Have you been ill?" he asked her cautiously.

"No…why?"

"What's this?" he asked as he tenderly traced the scar with his thumb.

Alex winced at his feather light touch, and immediately felt the blood rise to her cheeks. "It's nothing.

"It's not nothing…what happened?" he asked the concern evident in his voice, his brow furrowed.

"I had a little procedure last month, that's all. I'm fine really." She hoped he wouldn't pursue it. Of course that was a silly hope.

"Alex…they cut you. That is not a little anything." He pushed.

"It is nothing Jon." She said, "nothing that will ever affect you, nothing to concern yourself with. So can we please drop it?" Jon grabbed her hand then and pulled her down to sit on the edge of the bed facing him. She knew it was dangerous to be this close to him, but he held her hand firmly. He wanted answers. And she knew from experience he was very used to getting what he wanted.

"Ali…honey…anything that
affects you concerns me." He took the coffee cup from her and placed both of them on the nightstand.

Alex shook her head, "Not this, sorry."

"How can you say that? Just because we aren't together doesn't mean my feelings have changed. Please tell me baby," he pleaded, "you have me really worried here."

She looked down at her hands and he took them in his. "Please?" he asked again.

Her face was shrouded in hair, so he didn't realize until a tear splashed into his hand that she had begun to cry.

"Alex?" he asked, panic starting to grip him now.

"I…I can't…" she managed to choke out.

"Ali…tell me," he demanded.

She looked up at him through a veil of hair, "What you don't want…I can never have."

Jon tilted her face up with a knuckle under her chin. "What?"

A perplexed frown suddenly gave way to realization, as he watched her hand move unconsciously to her stomach and the tears continue to stream down her face.

"Oh…" it was all he could manage at first, "Oh shit Ali...and here I am…Oh shit. What happened?"

"Nothing…nothing happened." She said turning away from him, her lie ill concealed.

"Ali...talk to me."

"It's just not possible for me...can we leave it at that please."

"We could…if there wasn't more to it," he pushed. "What happened Alex?"

"I miscarried a very long time ago, but didn't realize it at the time. Apparently it created some scarring…the doctors have told me it's inconceivable that I will be able to have children."

"A long time ago when Alex?"

"It doesn't matter, the result is the same regardless."

"It matters to me. When?" When he took on that demanding tone she was hard pressed to deny him anything.

"I don't know for sure…" she evaded.

He shook her shoulders gently, "When?"

"After Queensland…are you happy now?" she glared at him, watched the shock at her tone flicker across his face right before recognition dawned. She turned away from him then, would have run from him if she could, if he didn't still have her firmly in his grasp.

"Was it mine?" his voice barely above a whisper.

"I don't… No, I'm sure it wasn't," her whole body shook with the force of emotion.

"How long after Queensland Ali?"

"It's not important Jon."

"How long?"

"Please Jon…please don't make me say this…I don't want to think about it..." She hadn't even told Rick any of this yet…she didn't know how too

His worst fears were being confirmed, "Please honey…I'm begging you…I need to know."

"I was sick a few weeks after…I…I was young…you were my first…I didn't realize anything was wrong. It never occurred to me until…well until I saw the test results last month."

"Oh hell baby...I'm so sorry." He leaned forward to cradle her in his arms. It was his turn to provide the comfort. He didn't realize until she wrapped her arms around him that he needed comforting too, it was their child she had lost. The one he had always wished he could have had.

Alex sobbed quietly into his shoulder for a few minutes before pulling back. It was too comfortable there, too familiar. "You want to hear something dumb…I never even wanted kids...and yet look at me...I'm a complete mess."

"Baby...just because you didn't want them, doesn't mean you didn't want the option. And it doesn't make losing one any easier to take. You need to….No…we need to mourn what we've lost here Ali." She looked up at that and could see the sheen of unshed tears in his eyes.

"I just feel like I'm not whole anymore…like I'm not a woman anymore." The sadness in her eyes was more than he could bear.

Jon bought his hand slowly to her face. His fingertips grazed back across her cheek until they came to rest threaded in the hair at the nape of her neck. The pad of his thumb wiped away the single tear that leaked from her eye.

"How could you think that Ali? He moved his thumb to her lips, tracing their swollen curves, "You are every bit the woman you have always been. Every bit as beautiful, every bit as sexy and so God damned irresistible, if not more so! This new self assurance that has come with age is so fucking seductive Ali...you have no idea."

"I wish that were true," she whispered.

"Oh believe me...it so is." He said huskily. "Will you let me show you?"

"What...what do you mean?"

Keeping eye contact he began to move towards her, drawing his face nearer to hers. He moved his hand further back into her hair and replaced his thumb with his soft moist lips. He felt the slight pressure of her hands on his chest and pulled back.

"Jon...I can't...Rick..."

"He isn't here baby. But I am. Let me show you...let me love you."

He moved towards her again, this time stopping just inches short. It had to be her choice. She had to want him as much as he wanted her. He stayed there and waited for her next move.

Alex hesitated. Instinctively she knew that if she took this step now it would mean so much more than a one night fling. It would be an admission, both to herself and him, that he was indeed irresistible to her. That they couldn't abstain from one another, and that was so much more dangerous now than it had ever been. She had once lived on the other side of the world, now she lived on the other side of town. She couldn't even fathom how this could work.

She studied him intently. Looking into the deep azure pool of his eyes, she saw it there...the love he had spoken of. She also saw the hunger...the lust. His lips parted and his tongue swept over them, leaving them glistening before he drew his bottom lip in between his teeth. His breathing, as was hers, was heavy as they both fought to control the emotions roiling within them. Through the haze of emotion she felt the slight tremble of his hand that had never left her neck. And then, without even a conscious thought, her body made her decision for her. She lurched forward and fell into his arms. Her arms wrapped around him, drawing him close as their tongues tangled in a fiery, sensual kiss. He pulled her with him as he reclined onto a pile of downy pillows.

As the kiss slowed, Jon moved his lips from hers tracing a line along her jaw to her ear where he paused to whisper, "You taste so good...," his tongue swirled around her ear, "Fuck Ali...you have no idea how bad I want you right now."

He snagged her hand from its position in his hair and moved it down to place it over his straining cock, "See what you do to me baby...what you have always done to me. Let me love you the way you deserve to be loved. I need you baby. I can't even be me without you."

She rubbed her hand up and down his hard length through the fabric of his sweats, and felt her stomach grip as he moaned in pleasure. "God help me Jon...I can't do it. I just can't stay away from you. I'm gonna burn in hell for this...and I don't even care." Her voice was breathless...uneven.

"Oh don't worry baby," he chuckled, "I'm sure you'll have company, besides...how could it ever be Hell if we're together."

Jon folded his arms more tightly around her and she tucked her nose just below his jaw. Her soft curls were draped across his torso and he had to will his heart to stop thundering in his chest. He knew that she had accepted what was happening for this moment, but worried that at any minute, she would change her mind. Reaching down, he tipped her chin upward. She regarded him gravely through slitted eyelids. "You know that I will never, ever hurt you Alex," he whispered.

"I know," she said softly. "At least not intentionally…"

His thumb was once more drawn to her full lower lip. "No. Never," he assured her, before bringing her mouth to his once more. The kiss was slow…seductive… Even though he knew he didn't have all the time in the world, he wanted to pretend that he did. He wanted to pretend that this elusive beauty in his arms could be there forever. "Let me make love to you baby," he breathed against her mouth, shifting her weight more fully on top of him. His hands could nearly span her tiny waist and he dragged his fingertips slowly up and down her bare sides, exposed by her nightclothes. "Let me show you how much I love you."

Alex knew that if she turned away from him, he would not push her, even though she had already come this far. But at that moment, the comfort he was offering was like solace to all the wounds she had born. The feelings of rejection, of never being good enough to be his wife, of envy over his perfect family and perfect child…all of that was forgotten when he touched her and looked at her with his soul burning in his clear blue eyes. She knew she was lost. He sensed her lack of resistance without her saying a word. He took her hand in his, their fingers interlaced as he kissed her, then slowly, carefully, he rolled her over his body until she was lying in the center of the bed

Chapter 49

"I can't believe you did this Dorothea. We discussed it. We agreed we weren't ready." Jon's tone was now resigned. He'd passed anger hours ago.

"I didn't do this alone you know. It takes two to make a baby Jon." She said hurt. "Besides it's not like I planned it. I told you to use something. You were in such a God damn rush that night. I didn't know what had come over you."

Jon remembered back a few weeks. He knew exactly the night this child had been conceived, they hadn't made love for weeks before or since. It was the day he'd run into Alex. He went home looking for...he didn't know what. Comfort...hardly. But Dot had been there... as she always was. He couldn't call what they had done that night making love. It was raw animalistic sex. There were no tender touches, no gentle caresses. It was primal...he had taken her, pounding into her for all he was worth, inconsiderate of her feelings. At that moment they were inconsequential. She was merely the means to the release he needed, the release he had sought in Annie that first night...the release he hadn't found. He had fought to keep Alex's name slipping from his lips as he spilled his seed deep within her. Now he was paying the price.

"I can't talk about this anymore. I have to get out of here," Jon snapped as he paced the floor. He felt like a caged lion, backed into a corner and vicious. If he didn't leave now he would surely say something he would regret.

"Where are you going?" her voice was soft, reconciled.

"I don't know...Mom's...maybe the city." He said as he grabbed a bag from the closet and began to throw in some clothes."

"Please Jon...don't go..we can work through this," she was pleading now.

Jon paused what he was doing, but he couldn't bring himself to look at her. "Everything will be fine Dot. I just have some shit to work through and I can't do it here. I'll be back in a few days...I just need some time to think."

"Fine go...but Jon...when you come back...make sure you know what it is you want 'cause I can't keep living like this."

"I know Dotty...I know. And I'm sorry...I don't know what else I can say. I'll see you in a few. I have my cell if something urgent comes up."

Dot understood his meaning precisely...don't call if it's not life threatening.

"G'bye hon." He kissed her on the forehead and disappeared from the room.

Jon threw his bag into the trunk of his Camaro and pulled out of the drive way, still unsure of where he was heading. He was only a couple of blocks when he pulled the car to a stop on the side of the road and pulled out his wallet and his cell. He slid Annie's card out from one of the dividers and cursed as another fell to the floor. He dialled in her new number and waited... no answer. Eyes closed, he collapsed forward resting his head on the back of his hands that were now gripping the top of the steering wheel.

When his eyes flickered open a minute or so later a flash of white on the floor caught his attention. He reached down and picked up the small rectangular card, his eyes immediately focusing on the name. Without thinking twice he dialled the number.

"'lo," her voice was thick with sleep. He looked at the clock on the dash...FUCK it was almost midnight. "Hello..." she said again.

"Alex," he croaked, "sorry...I shouldn't have called. I didn't realise it was so late. Sorry to disturb you. Go back to sleep, baby."

He stomach twisted at the affectionate term. "What's wrong Jon...you sound terrible."

"No..nothing...I'm fine. Really go back to sleep." He fought to keep his voice steady.

"Look Jon..if we are gonna do this friend thing there has to trust and for that there needs to be honesty. Now I know something is wrong...what can I do to help? You wouldn't have called if you didn't think I could."

"To be honest Ali, I didn't think anything...I just dialled."

"What's happened? Is everything ok? The boys, Dot, the baby?" She flinched as she said it.

"Everyone's fine. Dot and I are having some issues...that's all. Not enough for you to lose sleep over. Go back to bed."

"I haven't left it," that conjured an image he really didn't need right now, "Look it will only take me a couple of minutes to throw on some clothes. How about you come meet me for coffee? I'm in the city anyway."

"I uh...I'm not really...It's ah..." he stumbled over his words, "It's not a conversation I could have in public Alex. Just go to bed. Sorry I woke you. I'll talk to you soon."

Her voice was anxious when she spoke. "Jon...Jon...please...don't hang up..." she listened and waited for his response. He didn't speak again but she could hear him breathing.

"Jon... Listen...why don't you come here? I'm staying at The Barclay again, suite 1402." She again waited for an answer but there was no response.

"Jon...are you there."

"I can't do that Ali. It wouldn't be right." His voice was thick with emotion.

"Listen...you wanted to try the friend's thing...well here is our chance. This is what friends do. When should I expect you?"

"An hour I guess..maybe a little less."

"Ok good..knock a little loudly when you get here...in case I fall asleep." She said.

"Ali...are you sure about this? I'm really not great company at the moment." He was giving her the opportunity to back out.

"I'm sure Jon. I made you a promise...I keep my promises. I said if you needed me, I'd be here...and honestly Jon...I don't think you've ever needed me more. I don't know what's going on...but I do know it's big to have you this shaken. So get your ass off the phone and over here now." She insisted.

"I'll see you soon...and Ali"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks...I know this can't be easy for you."

"It's nothing Jon...To quote the song....that's what friends are for. See you soon." She said and hanging up the phone, she laid her head on her pillow, and though she didn't expect to, fell back to sleep within minutes.

It was less than an hour later that a groggy Alex stumbled to the door of her suite, after a loud knock had roused her. Her lips were full and pouty, her eyes slitted under generous curling lashes, her long dark waist length locks sleep tousled, and she wore a pair of pale pink satin boxers, loose and slung low on her hips and a short midriff soft cotton knit sleep T in the same color. She didn't realise what an amazingly erotic picture she posed as she opened the door. She took his breath away.

Through slitted eyes she looked at him, her assessment was blunt, "You look like shit."

"Geez...thanks Alex. I can always count on you for honesty." He grinned, it felt unnatural on his lips...it had been so long since he'd had a reason to smile.

"Yeah well...come in." She motioned him in and lifted both hands to finger comb her hair back from her face. It caused her short top to lift even higher so that it barely covered her full breasts. Jon consciously fought the erection that was now beginning to stir.

He stepped in the door and she closed it behind him. She didn't realise until she heard the thud, that he had been carrying a bag. It now lay on the floor at his feet. She looked at it pointedly.

"It's not what you think. I'm going to check in for a couple of days. I just can't face going home at the moment." He said in explanation.

Alex watched as he rubbed his face with trembling hands. She didn't know if she had ever seen him this upset...and then she remembered that day in her mother's foyer so long ago, as he begged her to stay with him...effectively as his mistress. She didn't know which was worse...then or now but the urge to comfort him was overwhelming.

"C'mere," she pulled him into her arms, gently stroking the hair at the nape of his neck with one hand as the other soothed his back. He was trembling with emotion.

She pulled back from him, "Come and sit down..."

"No Alex, you were sleeping I know how hard you work I can't do this to you. I should just go." He bent to retrieve his bag from the floor.

She put her hand over his and guided the bag back to the floor. "Don't be stupid I can have coffee for us in ten minutes."

"I really don't want coffee. I just need to talk. I need to be near you." She shot a warning look at him and he clarified his statement. "I don't mean that the way it sounds. I just...I need to be close to you Alex...not like... you know.... It's just that when I think of comfort...I think of you. I've never been as happy as I am when I'm with you." He fell into her, and she wrapped her arms around him.

She waited a few moments before drawing back from him, she took his face in her hands and traced the dark shadows under his eyes with the pads of her thumbs. "Have you slept?"

He shook his head, "I haven't been able to."

She took his hand and led him to the bedroom, "Here...you sleep in here...I'll take the couch. We can talk in the morning."

"I can't kick you out of your bed," he protested.

"Look at you your dead on your feet." She knelt down and helped him off with his shoes. All the while trying to remind herself that she would do this for any friend. This was no different. She swung his feet up and he collapsed against the pillows.

"Can I get you anything...a glass of water?"

"Mmmm that would be nice." His eyes had already drifted closed. It had been months since he had felt this sense of peace.

When Alex came back in a few moments later, Jon's breathing was deep and even. She set the glass of water down on the nightstand and slipped under the covers on the other side of the bed. He was laying on his side now. What could it hurt if she held him for a while, while he slept. She moved in close and spooned his sleeping form, propping her head on one folded arm and wrapping the other around his waist. She would be gone before he woke...he would never know any different.

Jon let out a soft sigh as she wrapped herself around him. The noise was lost to her in the rustle of the sheets as she settled. Her body was warm and soft against his. He felt her gentle kiss on the nape of his neck...but he was too far into sleep to realise that she shouldn't even be there. In that moment, all was right with the world...he was right where he should be...in Alex's arms.

Chapter 48

Alex sat alone in a darkened corner of the Barclay Bar & Grill, in the Intercontinental Hotel in New York City. She had seen the doctor earlier that day and the visit had done nothing to ease her mind. She was required for further tests the following morning, so instead of commuting home she had decided to book a suite in the hotel for the night. She had spent the afternoon on some retail therapy – she needed fresh clothes and toiletries anyway – and had put a rather substantial dent in her credit card.

When she was finally all shopped out she had returned to her room in the hotel for dinner, but was in there no more than five minutes before she began to feel the walls closing in on her. Instead she had opted to come here. The bar was quiet and dark. She had been able to sit alone in her little corner with her lemon, lime and soda, do some light reading and watch the people go by.

She had pretty much given up on the people watching, those in the bar had settled in for the night and there were now few entrances and exits. She was rather engrossed in her book when a familiar voice had her head snap up.

"Jack on the rocks thanks bud," she heard him say as he pulled a money clip from his pocket and threw some notes on the bar.

"Just visiting Sir?" the bartender asked making small talk.

"Not really...more travelling through. I live out in Jersey. Have some business to attend to and a flight out tomorrow night, so I thought I'd take the opportunity to catch up with a friend."

How could he possibly know I was here? Alex wondered. Surely he isn't having me followed?

She was just about to get up and confront him when she saw the woman enter the bar. She was making a beeline straight for him, obviously a fan. Alex hung back. But then he looked up and smiled at her, and it wasn't the fake smile he used for cameras and fans alike. This was genuine, warm...he was happy to see her. He rose from his stool as she approached and he drew her into the circle of his arms and kissed, his lips lingering on her just a little longer than propriety allowed. He released her but kept a hold of her hand.

Alex could no longer hear the conversation, the couple spoke in muted whispers. This he obviously wanted to keep private. She observed the woman more closely now. Jon's friend's resemblance to herself was uncanny...kind of like a photocopy. She looked very similar, only not quite as good. She wasn't as polished...but then Alex had had the better part of the last five years around stylists, and had benefited from it. And maybe she was just a little biased. She watched the interaction between the pair. They were obviously very familiar with each other – he still hadn't released her hand and was now drawing circles on the back of it with his thumb.

The woman must have said something amusing, Jon's throaty chuckle carried to Alex and her gut clenched. She recognised this strange emotion she felt now, this possessive anger she was feeling. She was jealous. After the information she had received from the doctor that afternoon, this new revelation was almost enough to send her over the edge.

Gathering up her book and her keycard from the table, Alex waited for Jon to be distracted by his date and made a hasty exit from the bar. As she breezed out of the room, a wave of her signature scent of green apple wafted out behind her. Just as she disappeared around the corner it registered in Jon's senses.

***

"Can you smell that?" He took a long sniff.

"What?" Annie asked.

"Apples...I can smell... apples." He sniffed at the air again and looked around the bar...nothing.

"All I can smell is cigarette smoke," she replied, "are you ok Jon?"

"Yeah...I'm fine," he said on a sigh. "It was her scent. I guess I'm imagining things." Jon rapidly changed the subject. "I'm glad you could make it in. We have to celebrate this promotion of yours. I can't say I'm happy that you're going away though."

He couldn't talk about her anymore. It hurt too much. Bruce had called him to let him know they had arrived safe from the honeymoon. He had waited. Every day he had waited for the day she would come looking for him...tell him she had made a mistake, confirm the look of regret he saw in her eyes as she drove past him in the limousine. But she didn't come...didn't call. Then he had run into Bruce at a function, and he had told him that he had never seen Alex so happy... that he and Patti had been invited to dinner at the newlyweds' new home in Red Bank, and they were both happy and settled. He wondered why Bruce continued to convey this information. Did he suspect? Was he warning him off? Or, was it merely because he saw Jon as being a long standing friend to Alex, just as he was?

Jon only caught the tail end of Annie's response.

".....and I'll be back soon anyway. You won't even know that I'm gone." Annie smiled at him. She knew it was a mistake, but she couldn't help but fall for him just a little bit.

A few days after their initial run in, Jon had called her at work and asked if he could see her again. He wanted to take up her offer of counselling. He said he had tried to go the official route and see a counsellor, but he wasn't in there more than five minutes before he knew it wasn't for him. Annie already knew his biggest secret. If she wanted to finish him, she already had more than enough to do it. Since then, they had met frequently and now spoke on a daily basis.

He didn't have to pretend with Annie, with the exception of Richie, he really couldn't say that of anyone else. "Would it sound weird if I said I'm gonna miss you."

"No," she smiled at him again and reached out to lay a palm on his cheek, "I'm going to miss you too. It's a little strange how close I feel to you considering I've only known you a few weeks. But I'll only be gone a couple of months. As soon as the course is done, I'll be back. And you can always call me if you need me, or fly in if you're desperate...it's less than an hour's flight to Boston, and you do have that fancy jet at your disposal."

Jon chuckled, "That I do. C'mon lets go eat so we can get you to your flight on time."

"Sounds good," Annie leaned in and kissed him lightly on the lips, "Thanks for this."

"Anything for you," he rose from the stool, grabbed Annie's hand and led her from the bar.

***

It had been a bad day for Jon. He was startled awake by a phone call from Dorothea. He had been dreaming of Alex. She was wrapped in his arms, smiling and carefree, her left hand, brandishing his ring was tracing lazy circles down his stomach to his burgeoning erection. He snapped at Dot for waking him. He had been happy in his dream world; Alex was his...there were no obstacles...just her and him, together and deliriously happy.

He was late to his meeting - well audition really, he was trying for a part in a movie...he had caught the acting bug - it would have been quicker if he'd gotten out of the car and walked, he despised being late. He went to dial Annie's number at least half a dozen times that morning, but finally settled for Richie, only to be told he couldn't talk because he was otherwise occupied with his Fiancé, and could he please delay his trip out a few days, Heather wanted to take him away for the weekend. Great...just great!

That's how it was that he had found himself alone in his hotel room at six that evening after his audition finally concluded. He didn't hold much hope out of getting the part. But he had to start somewhere. Now he was at a loss. He had no flight to catch and he couldn't bear the thought of heading home....that...he would do tomorrow. He paced the room several times before deciding he needed a drink. He headed for the bar.

Jon came to the entrance of the bar and stopped dead in his tracks. It was her. She was sitting there alone, nursing a drink and looking forlorn. He made to take a step forward but at that exact moment she lifted her drink to her lips and her wedding rings caught the light and shimmered, effectively reminding him that she could no longer be his. His dream had been just that...a dream...and now it could never come true. He stood and watched her for a few seconds longer, drinking in the sight of her – who knew when he would see her again – then turned and left the bar. It seemed a run was in order instead of that drink – it was what he did when he needed to sort through things, he always found clarity in running - so he headed back to his room to change.

Alex's eyes were red rimmed as she toyed with her drink at the bar. The bar tender had taken one look at her and left her to her thoughts, she was grateful for it. Last night she had seen him....with her replacement no less and today...well today her worst fears had been confirmed. Now she sat here struggling with the panic that consumed her at the thought of disclosing those findings to her new husband. What would he think of her after this? How could he possibly want her?

Movement off to her left caught in Alex's peripheral vision. She didn't know what compelled her to look up, but she did so just in time to see him leave the bar. Her heart started to pound, her vision blurred. She had to get out of here before he saw her.... Or had he seen her already? No he couldn't have she decided...unless....unless he had seen her but he didn't want her to see him. She felt bile rise in her throat at the thought. Had she really caused him so much pain that he couldn't even bear to look at her? Or was it just that now that he had his replacement she no longer even mattered. What would that mean for her? What could it mean? She has made her choice. She waited for a few minutes to give him time to clear the lobby, downed her drink and headed for the safety of her room. She would leave first thing in the morning. She would not inflict her presence on him again.

Stepping out on her floor, Alex ran headlong into the very thing she was trying to avoid. She lurched backwards the second she saw him. He was dressed in his jogging clothes, short shorts, a tank top and runners. How was it possible to look good in that? He managed. He looked fucking fantastic, she wasn't too distraught to recognise that. The spattering of chest hair that poked out from the top of his tank, the lean muscled legs, the tense sinewy arms and the lock of blonde hair that fell to cover one of those bright azure eyes.

"Fuck," she muttered under her breath. Tears were already streaming down her face. She couldn't deal with this as well. "Excuse me," she said her voice quivering, as she skirted around him, doing her best to avoid showing him her face.

"Alex wait...please," Jon called after her. The desperation in his voice had her step faltering but she continued on. In four long strides he was at her side. "Ali...c'mon... what you can't even say hello anymore?"

"Hello Jon," she said formerly, flicking him the merest of glances, "now if you'll excuse me...I have to go."

She took a step towards her room but his hand on her arm stoped her. It was as if she had been burned, the touch of his flesh on hers. Memories assaulted her and she flinched away from him. Then felt guilty as she watched his expression crumble...but this wasn't about him...not really. "Please don't. Can we talk? I miss you."

Alex smiled softly, and shook her head, "Jon, how can you miss what you never had?"

"What do you mean?" his expression clearly puzzled.

"The longest you have ever been with me is a week Jon. Just one week...how could you possibly miss me?"

"Are you saying you don't miss me?" He asked.

"No...I'm not saying that," Alex stood before him picking at chipped finger nail and concentrating on her hand studiously. "But that's different. You're in the papers, in the radio, on the TV. Everywhere I go, everywhere I look...you're there. I've never had the chance to not miss you."

"Is that what you want now? To miss me?"

"Perhaps." She watched him flinch, "Listen Jon...I love you. I will always love you. But I'm with Rick now. It took me a long time to realise this, but you're not good for me Jon...We aren't good for each other. You make me selfish. You make want things I can't have. You're married, you've started a fam...." her voice broke on the word and he looked at her quizzically, he had caught it. "...a family. What's between us Jon,...it feels really, really deep...like I can't live without you sometimes...hell, like I won't make it through the night without your touch. But you have your life and I have mine, and it's not fair on anyone for us to continue this. So please let me go."

"I can't let you walk out of my life Alex. There has to be to make this work. Anything...anyway as long as you're still in my life." He pleaded.

"Listen...if you ever need me...really need me Jon, not just because you're feeling lonely...I'll be there for you. I always will be. But this needs to be a new start. I don't want you to be my obsession anymore...I want you to be my friend. It will take time, but I think we can manage it. You know it's one thing we've never been. Do you think we can try?" It was the only future she could see for them.

"Is that the best you think we can manage?"

"It is Jon...I just can't do this with you anymore." She said firmly.

"Ok. Will you have lunch with me? Just lunch. Bring Rick if you like. Let's give this friends thing a try."

"Ricks out of town and I think it's a little too soon to be tempting fate with an outing in public."

"Sure it's not you that would be tempted and not fate," he grinned playfully. "I'm pretty irresistible."

"Jon," she reproached, "you flirting is not helping."

"Sorry, I just wanted to see you smile. I hate the tears. What caused them?" He wiped her cheek with the pad of his thumb and again felt her shy away from his touch. This was it...they were really through.

"Just the shock of seeing you I guess." Alex wiped the remainder of the tears from her cheeks.

"You were crying before you even got out of the elevator. Friends remember...you can talk to me." He offered her a small uncertain smile.

Not about this she thought...never about this. "I...um...I saw you downstairs...when you left the bar."

"Oh...I'm sorry Alex. I didn't do that to upset you. I didn't think you'd seen me. I was trying to do the right thing. I understand you've made your choice in Rick...I respect that."

"Thank you. Now I'm sorry but I really do have to go. I'm heading home in the morning. I have a full day ahead of me." Alex rummaged through her purse for her keycard.

"Where's home these days? You still at Bruces?"

"Uh ha," she exclaimed, as she triumphantly pulled the little piece of plastic from her bag. "No...Rick bought us a house. We're not too far from him though. Look, sorry Jon... but this..." she motioned back and forth between them, " well, it's still a little weird. Can we pick the small talk up some other time? When we've both had a chance get used to the idea."

"Sure... sorry. The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable."

"Here take this. She fished a business card out of her purse. It has all my numbers on it. Call me anytime...umm... maybe just give me a few weeks to wrap my head around everything." She leaned up gave him a very brief kiss on the cheek and trotted off down the hallway before she could do something she might regret. She was already beginning to think the offer of friendship was a mistake. How could she be friends with the man when the entire time she was with him, she had to make a conscious effort to keep her hands of him. It was like she was the moth and he was the flame...irresistible, but dangerous. Was it inevitable that she end up burned?

Chapter 47

Alex padded down the stairs into the living room. The house was deathly quiet with Rick gone. She had not expected to miss him quite this much. Of course she knew she would miss him...but this...this she could never have expected. When she had stepped off the plane less than a month ago, she would never have believed that fate would deliver her here. She reflected on the events of the last weeks as she sat at the counter in her state-of-the-art kitchen, sipping her coffee....

Alex woke as the plane touched down, and squinted at the bright morning sun that streamed through the small plane window. She was wrapped securely in Rick's arms and could even say she was happy to be there. The few weeks alone with him in the Maldives had provided her with some much needed perspective. Without the constant reminders and media saturation, she had come to the realisation that while Jon would forever hold the bigger piece of her heart, Rick was her future. Her heart understood now why her head had made the decision it did...Jon could never be there for her, never be what she needed. Rick already was...and had promised to be for the rest of his life. And she had promised him the same. It was time for her to grow up and fulfil that promise.

When the pair finally cleared customs an hour later, they emerged from the airport to find a stretch limousine waiting at the curb, the suited driver holding a sign for Mr & Mrs Carlisle.

"Did you do this? I thought Lanie was coming to get us." She looked up at Rick smiling.

"I wanted just a little more time alone with you. I have one more surprise for you Mrs Carlisle." Rick looked at her adoringly. He had never been so happy. There had been a few seconds there at the altar when he thought she would run, but then she had turned towards him and uttered the two most magical words he had ever heard... 'I do'.

"Rick...you've already done so, so much...really...I don't need anything else." Alex protested.

"Not even somewhere to live?" He grinned.

"You didn't? Rick...please tell me you didn't buy me a house?" She said exasperated.

"No...of course I didn't buy you a house..."

"Good!"

"I bought us a house!" A wide grin warmed his features. She couldn't even be mildly annoyed. "You should see it honey...it's down in Fair Haven, right near Rumson and Bruce. Now it's not huge, but it's in a lovely quite area near the river. It's actually a lot like home...well it is except in winter I guess. There is another small out building on the property and I've had that renovated into a studio and darkroom for you so you can work from home." He was positively beaming, "Of course if you don't like that idea, we can always go ahead with the original plan of a studio in the city...come to think of it you may need both...the commute could be a bit tedious if you had to do it every day. Maybe a small loft in the city that can double as a work space...." He drifted off.

"Rick...are you insane? Why would you do this? You don't even want to stay here...not really."

"No...but you do." He took her face gently in his hands, "Sweetie don't you know I'd do anything for you. This is where you need to be...so this is where we'll stay. I can work anywhere in the world. You need to be where the stars are...and that ... is here."

"Oh Rick..." She threw her arms around him, "You are far too good to me you know. I don't deserve all of this...I don't deserve you." A tear stung her eye with the knowledge of how true her statement was. She had cheated...she had lied...and yet here he was. Of course, if he knew of her indiscretions perhaps that would change, but she had a very strong feeling that he would stick by her regardless...In good times and in bad.

"Despite what I may or may not deserve...I have you," his eyes lit with pride, "and I am never letting you go."

A little over an hour later, Alex sat staring out the window, eyes wide with awe as the car coasted through what was to be her new neighborhood. The area was lovely, and obviously one of the more prestigious suburbs of New Jersey. As they drove she caught glimpses of waterfront mansions and the river beyond, the sun glinting off it giving an effect similar to diamonds. Alex's breath hitched as the car began to slow, and turned into a slightly more populated area, heading for the river itself.

"Why are we slowing?" Just as she spoke the car pulled off onto the long gravel driveway of an imposing – to her - waterfront mansion, "It can't be. Rick?"

"Welcome home honey!"

***

Alex took to her new role of wife like a duck to water, in fact she revelled in it as she never thought possible. Her "little" house was by no means little by anyone's standards, except possibly those of some of her neighbours. Across the river new mansions were under construction that dwarfed her new five bedroom, six bathroom Cape Cod inspired home. True to his word Rick had also begun to look for a studio space in the city for her. Though she assured him the commute wasn't an issue, he insisted that her clients may not appreciate it. She supposed he may be right about this, and of course Bruce had agreed, so eventually she had to acquiesce.

Their new home was set on a slightly larger parcel of land than most that immediately surrounded it. It had a pool, river frontage and a small dock and Alex was enjoying watching the gardens bloom with life in the warmth of Spring. She wasn't all that sure how she would feel about this place in winter though. Winters here were so much harsher than what she was used to. It had taken her no longer than a couple of days to relocate her possessions to the new house. She had always travelled light, and besides Rick had had most of her equipment and work requirements taken care of.

She transported the rest of things from Bruce and Patti's guest house in her 1970 Camaro. She had always loved muscle cars. Rick had tried to talk her out of the purchase...but she wouldn't hear a word of it. It was in no way practical for her commutes to the city, something she knew she would have to address very soon...but for now it suited her fine.

It had been barely a week since they moved in, when one Saturday morning the shrill ring of the phone, interrupted their lovemaking.

"Let it ring," she muttered, pausing her ministrations on husband's cock only long enough to speak.

Rick groaned as her mouth wrapped around him again, "I can't Al...it might be important." She did not skip a beat as he stretched to pick up his cell. "Fuck Al... how can I concentrate with you down there."

She merely shrugged and took him even deeper.

"You're incorrigible...." He pressed the little green button and took in a sharp intake of breath as her teeth gently scored his length on the way up, "Hello." It was almost a pant.

"Oh hi Steve," Rick said looking at Alex pointedly, "Yes I'm fine...just kicked my toe trying to get to the phone."

Alex giggled and went back to work on him, though not quite so fervently now...Steve was Ricks agent and had been brokering deals with several top shelf publications. She flicked over the tip of his cock with her tongue and Rick gasped. This time he grabbed a fist full of hair and pulled back gently – a signal for her to stop - as he listened intently to the man on the other end of the phone. Alex looked up at him and Rick shook his head. She sat back on her haunches between his thighs, waiting for him to finish and admired him. He looked very much like a new actor on the Hollywood scene...one Brad Pitt had caused quite a stir when he had appeared in Thelma and Louise a few years before. And most recently Alex had done a series of photos for him for a movie he was working on in Canada. Laying here before her now she couldn't help but compare her husband to, what she believed to be, a future Hollywood heavyweight.

When he was still speaking five minutes later, she left their bed and padded into the bathroom to take care of her morning ablutions. Since her resolve to make the marriage work, their sex life had improved dramatically...they fucked like rabbits. She now understood that any problems they had been having were cause by her lack of commitment to the relationship. Rick was a generous lover, always making sure she was taken care of before even thinking of himself. She jumped into the shower, washed her hair and washed the night's sex from her body. When she emerged twenty minutes later Rick was only just hanging up.

"What was that about," she asked as she rubbed a towel through her hair.

Rick would never get his fill of looking at the gorgeous woman that was now his. She stood in the middle of the room, not an inch of fabric to cover her, looking like a goddess, her skin polished and dewy from the shower, her cheeks slightly flushed. His eyes travelled up and down her length and she smiled gently at his admiration, making no attempt to move or cover up. Even now with her here like this, he couldn't quite believe she had said 'I do'. "I've been offered a commission, but I'm turning it down."

"Why would you do that?" She asked as she crossed to her dresser and stepped into a pair of lacy French knickers.

"Because it's in the Middle East," Rick explained, "And it's for at least two years. He can't even tell me if I'd be able to get home on leave. It's to report on the political climate."

"Rick...honey...you can't turn that down. It's what you've been dreaming of." Alex joined him where he still sat on the side of the bed and put her arm around his shoulder.

"Alex we've been married only a few weeks...I'm not going to leave you now." Rick was highly conscious of her naked breast pressed against his arm, but was doing his very best to concentrate on the matter at hand. He feared that would be a losing battle as he began to nuzzle into her hair and neck, her scent completely intoxicating to him.

Gently Alex separated herself from him and prompted him to look at her. "You know I'm not happy about the Middle East...but Rick...you cannot turn this down. Do you know what it will do for your career? And of course I'll be here waiting when you come home. We've done the long distance thing before...we can do it again." She justified. "Besides...who know where my assignments will take me."

"I don't want to do the long distance thing again," he sulked, "I want to be here with you." He placed a hand on her shoulder and began the slow journey down to her breast. He smiled when he felt her shiver under his touch.

This time Alex didn't try to stop Ricks skilful hand, her eyes began to flutter closed, but fortunately her mind had not yet disconnected from her mouth, "When are you going to get an opportunity like this again? You know how this industry works."

"Probably never, at least not if I turn this down. They won't ask again." He conceded as he moved his mouth to her breast.

"Exactly! You have to do this honey. This kind of work could get you nominated for that Pulitzer you've been aiming for." She encouraged as she threaded her hand in his hair, holding him to her. She knew her life would be so much better with him there by her side...but this was about him. It was his time to shine. For the last few years he had been so supportive of her...it was past time that she return the favour.

And that was how she came to be living alone in her 'not too big' mansion. Rick had left within days after a marathon sex session and a very teary goodbye in their bedroom – he told he could not bear to say good bye to her at the airport.

The loneliness was already almost unbearable and he had only been gone a little under a month. It amazed her that in those few short weeks they'd had alone he had come to mean so very much to her, especially since she had been adamant before she left that she would be leaving him when they returned home. The very thought of that baffled her now.

Scooping her keys up off the bench, she walked through the house and into the garage. She had an appointment with a gynaecologist in the city. She'd been feeling a little off. Not sick per say but not quite right either. She'd also been having problems with her cycle and had missed her last period entirely. In fact her last cycle had been a few weeks before the wedding. It wasn't something she was overly concerned about, it had always been this way for her, but if she and Rick were ever to start a family it was something that needed to be addressed.

So she wondered why it was then, that a sense of underlying apprehension plagued her as she pulled out from their tree lined drive and onto the road.